Chicago Times

All good things musst come to an end...

2009-08-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

One week ago today, I moved from Chicago back to Arkansas. I have been debating on whether to end this blog or not, and decided since I created it with the sole purpose of blogging on my adventures working and living in Chicago that it is time for me to end it.

Leaving Chicago, my kids and friends up there was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have already started missing my beautiful kids, its hard not to when you have spent most of your time the past two years with them. I wish I had the words to let people know just how I'm feeling right now, but I don't think I could explain them and if they would actually do it justice.

I have started the new job search, very ready to start a routine again, I hate the sitting around doing nothing. I am praying that not only does God open doors at another urban ministry for me to work in, that it is also a permanent place, one where I can stay for a long time and really build relationships with the kids. I also pray that its alot closer than Chicago! :)

I hope you have enjoyed my blogs for the past two years. Iwant to start a new blog and continue writing once I start a new job or whatever...we'll see.

One last picture from Chicago...here is most of the 6th grade group I worked with this past school year...I love these crazy kids...thanks for two great...and challenging :)....years!

God bless you all!

2009-08-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm actually typing this as I'm riding in the car headed to Arkansas. I know, the beauty of technology! Or maybe the sadness of it all...being so connected to the world at all times!

Sitting here or as I like to say it, setting here...driving back to the place I grew up, its just all very surreal. Almost like it shouldn't be happening. Of course I shed some tears today, especially when I saw tears falling from my kids eyes but also saying goodbye to my good friend and coworker Robin.

The drive is always the worst. You begin to think of all the shoulda coulda wouldas and it just depresses you more. I wonder if I could have done things differently, I mean I know the impact I've had has been huge, I know that I am leaving a good "wake" and not a bad one but yet I still can't help but sit and wonder if I could have done more. Have I lived these last two years to the fullest? I hope so. I would like to believe so.

I know I'm leaving changed and I hope that in some ways, the kids have changed as well. I hope that I have done what God has called me to do these last two years.

I know that these next few days will be very hard for me...trying to find my way again, figuring out how to navigate the job search process and living in a place that will probably seem a little foreign to me at first.

I hope that it doesn't hit me all at once...I hope I can ease into it. I am nervous and worried and scared. Yet as I was talking to a friend of mine, she reminded me ever so gently that God is in control and to haved Faith that he will provide and be with me in this transition.

I am so thankful for these amazing women who are blessing me with an almost free ride to Arkansas. The laughter and good times we are already having could beat a u haul any day!

So as I am headed home, I am fully aware of my sadness but also the love I have felt these last few days. Surround me with love Jesus, it is exactly what I need!

My last night

2009-08-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my very last night in Chicago. This week has been super crazy, trying to hang out with as many people as I can as well as start classes, pack, and finish up work. Like I said...CRAZY!

Last night I went to dinner with one of my favorite high schoolers. It was super cute cuz she was like, lets go to dinner, my treat! How can I say no to free food? lol I can't wait to see her in five, 10 years, I know God is going to do some great things in her life!

I went downtown today with my very good friend, Maria and had coffee at Intelligentsia. Such good coffee! Man, am I going to miss all the coffeeshops around here! I also sold my car today and even got to see a lot of my kids at the center and then of course, a couple had to come over and hang out at the house. :)

Anyways, what better way to spend the evening then take four of my favorite kids out to dinner? :) Yes, thats right I spent my last night hanging with the kids. Ha. Anyways, we all loaded up in the car and went to TGIFridays. The kids absolutely loved it. They are so great. One of them, definitely one of my top 3 or 4 favorite kids in this world said as the other girls told her to quiet down (she is super loud all the time!), she laughed and said, "i'm just happy...i'm out with Shasta!" That moment...right there. It just melted my heart. Tonight I am reminded that all I want to do in my life is exactly what I was doing right then. Building relationships. These kids, not just those four but all of them...they are the most amazing kids I've ever met.

The food was great, a couple of the girls were contemplating unbuttoning their pants they were so full lol. I advised them not to! Ha! But yeah, it was so wonderful just to spend one last night sharing my life with them.

Anyways, this week has been very hard. I wish I could describe how hard it is to know how sad some of the kids are that I am leaving. I can see it in their faces, hear it in the voices, and feel it by the way they act. Youth ministry is the most rewarding thing in the world but it is also the hardest thing in the world as well. There have been many times I have just wanted to scream from frustration (and sometimes I did!) but all the wonderful, life giving times I have had with them overshadow any frustration. I am so grateful and thankful that two years ago God opened the doors for me to come up here. I do not know where I would be today if not. I just know that God and Breakthrough has changed me so much through this experience.

Chicago will always be in my heart. These kids, my coworkers and friends...they will always be in my heart. As I move forward, I can promise you there will be many tears, I'm sure I will be a little depressed at first, but I will also treasure the moments and times I've had and move on, knowing that God is NOT done with me yet!

Chicago, Breakthrough, everyone I've come into contact with these past two years...I love you and will never forget you.

God bless you all!

2009-08-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

I feel as though life is moving at this really fast pace and I can't really keep up. People keep asking me, what are you going to do when you move? Where will you live? Job? ect ect. All valid questions, yet all questions I really have no answer to. I know that in just five short days, I will be moving. I know that there is a sadness around me that I can't completely put my finger on and I know that my heart will ache for the kids and people here that have become like second family to me. I have started to pack although I have less than what the normal person has. I guess that comes from being a serial mover. I feel like I'm always moving. I just want to settle. One of the biggest desires in my life is to find a place that is permanent. I'm sick of all this moving around.

Denver was great. I barely thought about the future, mainly just relaxed and ate lots and lots of food. :) Yet, I came back to an empty desk and questions that I have no answers for. Am I ready to leave? I am in a way because I am sick of being in this transitional space. I also long to wrap my arms around my two beautiful nieces and knock my twin bro in the head a couple times. But, I am not ready to leave my kids here. Not ready to say goodbye knowing that they do not understand any of this; knowing that the relationships I've built with them were all too short.

So I sit in the dark, wondering why I feel so...uneasy. So...confused and restless. I know that God has called me back to Arkansas for a reason. I know this. I know that I am so excited to be close to my family and Jeremy. Yet, there is so much unknowns.

And I will wait. I will try and make it through these next 4 days. Making the most of every opportunity, yet pulling away so that the tears don't fall as readily as I know my heart wants them to. Tommorrow night I have a small going away party so I can say goodbye to the children who have stolen my heart. Oh how I pray that it isn't a big emotional rollercoaster but instead it will be a moment of closure.

I hold onto to the fact that God calls me to a bigger purpose. That instead of sacrifces and "works" he calls me to "Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly." I hold onto the fact that He is at work in my life and He will open doors and lead me to another, wonderful place.

God. You are my rock and my only sanity during this time. May I lean on you when I feel so helpless.

God bless you all.

My Favorites

2009-08-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things about living in the city is the many, many restaurants and things to do. Chicago has thousands and thousands of restaurants, cafes, bars...etc. After living here for two years, I have found many different places that I love. Many of which aren't necessarily the "touristy" places to go.

So, if any of you ever go to Chicago and want some great places to go...here are my favorites:

Best place to get dessert: Letizia's Natural Bakery

Best coffee shop: (tie) Mercury Cafe' and Buzz Cafe' (River Forest)

Best breakfast place: Sweet Maple Cafe'

Best pizza: Crust Resturant

Best beach: 12th Street Beach

Best book shop: Myopic Books

Best bar: Small Bar

Best Theater: Lake Theater (Oak Park)

Best Mexican Restaurant: Fuego Loco

Best Mall: Woodfield Mall

Best thing to do on a summer night: Chicago Outdoor Movie Festival in Grant Park

Best ice cream: Oberweiss Dairy

Best clothing store: H&M

Hope you enjoy these suggestions...God bless you all!

Camp 2009

2009-08-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today I got back from Camp Timber-lee 2009. I can sum it up in one word...EXAUSTING. :)

It was tiring but also wonderful. I got to spend some quality time with some of my favorite people on earth. There were moments of frustration and fleeting thoughts of "get me out of here" but even more moments of laughter and smiles. From day one to the last day, I was forever thanking God for the opportunity for my kids to get a chance to spend a week away from their neighborhood and the distractions of the city. They are different out there... happier and free to be kids again and all of them love it! From being chased by llamas, and playing thousands of games of carpet ball, to saving drowning kittens and having "michael jackson" dancing parties in the cabin...this was definitely a year to remember.

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures and a video of one of the girls freaking out when we were in the paddle boats :)

Haha. I call her granny...this is my failed attempt at a "G"

Hmmm...what can I say that isn't already been said in this picture? These two girls are hiliarous.

Them after we saved the kitten...its hard to see it but we named her "River" (although it was a lake we were in...hmmm...)

Giving me the "eye"....her attempt at being evil...she doesn't have an evil bone in her body, truly one of the sweetest, most amazing kids I've ever had the pleasure of knowing!

Ahh...and this picture is for you mom...this snake kept wrapping around my arm...it made me a little nervous but I loved it! :)

Although I'm exhausted, I know that camp is a real blessing and that so many kids never get the opportunity to go. I hope, though, that the real message of camp, that God loves them and is always with them is the most important thing they take with them!

God bless you all!

Reality of it all...

2009-08-02T18:32:00.000-07:00

Here's what kids have to deal with in our neighborhood. We had a couple teenagers and a 5 yr old and 8 yr old at our house tonight (they are practically over here very night though!). Around 7 pm , the 5 yr old looks up at her big cousin, Ashley, and says...take me to the store, I wanna buy some candy. Ashley says no but the 5 yr old continues to beg. Finally Ashley looks at me and says "Shasta tell 'em we don't go to the store over there, people be shootin."

Yep. Thats the life of a 5yr old in my neighborhood. It's 7 pm, sorry you can't go to the candy store cuz you might get shot. Of course, I looked at Ashley said, I WILL NOT. And smiled at the young girl and told her, we don't go to the store once its almost dark, its too late for little kids to be out. She seemed satisfied with that and ran off playing; almost oblivious to the injustice of it all.

Next time you take your kid to the store, remember, there are plenty of kids out there that can't go because its not safe. Count your blessings and praise God that you live in a place that you don't have to worry about your children. And pray for safety and God-willed restoration for communities living in fear and despair.

God bless you all!

A sad goodbye

2009-07-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

Today, my very good friend and coworker, Mariko, said goodbye to Breakthrough. This wonderful friend of mine will be sorely missed. For the past four years, she has poured her heart and soul into our kids. And, it showed in their faces as she told them last week that she was leaving. Mariko is someone that has made an impact that will last a lifetime. Just ask Atiya. Today, when the kids were talking about the most "influential" person in their lives, she said "Mariko."

I know that Mariko is moving onto great things. Actually, she is going to grad school in Philly to continue her learning so someday, beyond working with kids, she can work with the parents and communities. Yet, I still mourn for the kids. I mourn because I know that positive role models are not the norm in their neighborhood. I also mourn because I know that next week I will be letting them know my bad news as well. Which means they aren't just losing one role model, but two. Two people that have poured their hearts into them. My heart aches just thinking about it.

Mariko is a great friend. She has taught me so much about ministry, about God, and about how to serve. I praise God for friends/co-workers like her.

Good bye Mariko!

Keep praying for me, these last few days have been very up and down. One last week of program and then camp.

God bless you all.

2009-07-29T05:54:00.001-07:00

I was wanting to write a post about the 7 people whom were shot a block away from my house last night, but after reading Arloa's blog, I decided that it would be best coming from her. Please read her post:

http://arloasutter.blogspot.com/2009/07/living-in-war-zone.html

God bless you all.

Its Over!

2009-07-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

Softball is officially over! Today we had the all-star game. 3 of our girls were picked to play on the team and we were super excited to see them get their "all-star" debut. Well, after 10 long innings, we finally ended with a tie, 7-7.

It was great...here are the girls after the game:

Way to go ladies!

Although its been a forever long season (3months) i'm very sad for it to be ending. I love each and ever player on this team!

God bless you all!

Mixture of Feelings

2009-07-19T12:55:00.001-07:00

This past week has been extremely hard for me and I can only imagine that the next few will be equally as hard. The reason it has been so hard is realizing that before I know it, it will be my last day. Before I know it, I will be moving away from the people I have spent the last two years pouring into, loving, and sharing my life with. I have had many fitful nights of sleep, weird, upsetting dreams, and just realizing the big impact Breakthrough and the people of Chicago have really made on my life.

Of course, I cannot wait to spend some quality time with my nieces. To actually be able to go see them whenever brings joy to my heart. I also can't wait to spend day in and out with Jeremy, learning more about him and our relationship. And of course, spending real time with my family is also very exciting.

Yet, as I sit here, planning for tomorrow's activities, I cannot wait to see my kids' smiling faces again. It literally breaks my heart to know that before long, I will not see them for a really extended period of time. I wonder, how will I tell them? I feel as though I am letting them down. I feel as though I am almost forsaking them. Is that weird? I know that it is time, I know that Chicago is not "home" for me, yet it is so difficult to think about leaving the children whom I have invested so much of my time in.

Just yesterday, we had our final softball game of the season (WE WON YAY) and as the game ended and we were packing up to leave, I looked into the eyes of one of my children and broke down. She was like why are you so upset? I just said its the end of the season, I just can't believe its already here. She was satisfied with that but I thought to myself, its more than just the end of the season for me.

Of course, change is always difficult. Leaving a place is always super hard and I know that God will lead me in a new direction and eventually I will find a new organization to pour my heart into. Yet, again, it is extremely difficult for me to think about that right now. I am trying so hard to stay "present" and really value every moment I have with the kids for I know before long it'll come to an end.

Please pray for me as this time is coming to an end. Please pray that I will spend the next 5 weeks truly enjoying my time with my kids and friends here. Please pray that this transition will go smoothly, God will give me complete peace about leaving, and that I will be able to find a job as soon as possible. With making as little as I have, my savings is practically drained so I'm not sure how long I can live without a job.

God is good. I know this. I know this as I say hi to my neighbors and we talk about the weather. I know this as I walk down the street and watch the kids playing in the fire hydrants. I know this as I splash in the water, laughing as the kids try to show me how they can "swim." I know this as I laugh and tease Kanika for being a granny. I know this as Andrea and I go to the beach on Sundays and get some real rest from a long week. I know this as I watch the determination on the faces of our girls as they get up to bat. I know this because every single day I wake up and realize that my life is NOT my own, that I have been crucified with Christ and I know longer live but He in me. I know this because He called me to a purpose greater than my own. I know this because I am fully aware that He is in complete control of my future and that wherever I go next, I will go with the desire to share His love and teach His word.

Sadness. Joy. Fear. Love. Excitement. Worried...A mixture of feelings as I go throughout my days.

Be present. This is all I desire the next few weeks. Please pray for me!

God bless you all.

Defeated...

2009-07-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

So tonight I was feeling super defeated. My kids' softball team has lost the last two games by 1 run each. I have felt so defeated because I know that they have improved, yet they continue to lose practically every single game. I was super upset when two games ago, up by 5 in the last inning, they ended up getting beat. It was a moment where I felt totally helpless and just really sad for the girls as the game slipped away right in front of their eyes.

Tuesday night they worked hard, super hard to be honest and came away with a tie. Because there were no lights at the field we had to reschedule the final inning for tonight (Friday night). I seriously was super excited and thinking that we would definitely pull out the win. And yet, tonight, they scored one run and then we didn't score any. Game over. Lost by one again. So yeah, I was just feeling so disappointed and upset for the girls. I know that they work hard and have great attitudes (for the most part) and so I just don't understand how they keep getting beat in the end. I felt like a failure as a coach. Anyways, as I was talking to my roommate tonight, I was just telling her how sad and defeated I was feeling. How I was just hoping that tomorrow (our final game) we could finally pull out a victory. I told her how defeated I felt knowing that we had lost much more than we had won this season.

Crazy how God works though. A little while later that night, as I walked out of the room where my roommate was, I noticed that my blackberry was flashing. I had a new email....

The email was from Bob. Bob is the coach of the team we played tonight. I was suprised to see that he had emailed me, so I decided to read it right then and there. And what he wrote brought tears to my eyes, here's what the email said:

"Shasta and Andrea,

I appreciate that you had to wait as our team showed up late for the game, and you were magnanimous in giving us just the 1 out for the lack of players.

But what I really wanted to thank you for is the work you are doing with those young girls. They are by far the most polite team we have faced all season and my suspicion is that is because of their coaches.

My guess is you are disappointed in the outcome of the game and possibly the season, but you are clearly having a much bigger impact on these girls than just their hitting and fielding skills.

Thanks for the work that you do. Bob."

Wow. I seriously just teared up as I read these words of encouragement. Often, I forget that more important than wins and losses is the impact we are making on this team. Although, of course, I am super competititve and would love to see our girls be the best, more importantly is their character. More importantly is how they are learning to become young women of God and young women whom respect themselves and others.

I am forever grateful for Bob for this little reminder. And tomorrow, as our final game comes upon us, I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe our hard work and positive attitudes will pull off a win...but if not, I will be reminded that as long as the girls had fun, played their best, and treated each other, the coaches, their opponents, and the ump with respect...then that to me is so much more important than a win.

Much more....

Wow. What a great reminder and teachable moment.

God bless you all!

A Breakthrough Kid

2009-07-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Wanted to share a story about something one of our junior high girls said to my co-worker a few days ago. There have been a few teenage girls in our neighborhood who have recently gotten pregnant. Although this breaks our hearts every time, we realize that unfortunately, this "phenomena" is often more the norm than not.

Anyways, my co-worker and this 13 year old girl were having a conversation about something and it turned to having babies. The 13 year old girl made some off-hand comment about the girls in the neighborhood being pregnant and how she thought it was crazy and totally not a good idea. My co-worker told her yeah, you need to wait till you're at least 30, no teenage pregnancies for you. The girl looked at her, surprised and said...okay. You know I wouldn't do that, i'm a Breakthrough Kid.

Wow. Breakthrough is setting a standard of behavior. If you are a part of Breakthrough, you stay away from that mess. Praise God for places like Breakthrough. Praise God that Breakthrough is so much more than just an afterschool program. Praise God that He is using this place to CHANGE.

A Breakthrough Kid. I really like that. These "breakthrough kids" are the best in the world, no doubt about it. Praise God for them. Praise God that I have the opportunity everyday to teach them the "other way." The way that leads to Christ.

I'm a Breakthrough Kid. :) LOVE IT!

God bless you all!

Whew! Done for a month!

2009-07-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I am finally done with my class, Multicultural Issues in Human Services! Yay! Last post I mentioned that my final paper was to be on Gentrification. Well, I wasn't expecting it to be as difficult as it was but I am glad that I learned a lot more about it.

Anyways, a couple of you mentioned that you would like to know more about it. I can't paste my complete paper on here...15 typed pages would be a little too much, but I would like to share some of the major thoughts of the paper.

The biggest thing I learned is that gentrification and displacement are almost always synonymous. Unfortunately although good that it is rebuilding impoverished neighborhoods, those that have lived in the neighborhoods all their lives can't afford to stay and reap the benefits of these improvements. Here is a quote by Dywer:

“Transformation does not simply entail renovating and rebuilding, the issues at play are much more complicated than the simple progression from destruction to construction. New and refurbished buildings in urban areas do not arise in a vacuum. They are built on parcels of land where older buildings once stood, or they are remodeled for new and richer tenants. Most of the time the people who lived, worked, played and worshipped in those buildings are displaced.”

I believe that change is inevitable. Obviously, there definitely needs to be some changes made in poor communities. As with the case of my community, there are many old abandoned builidings and poor infrastructure. Yet, I believe that restoration of the community must not push out those that live here. Instead, it must be done in a way that dignifies and perserves the culture and history of this community. And any urban community for that matter.

Finally, most importantly I believe that God calls us to take care of and serve the poor. In fact, I think he mentions the poor over 300 times in the bible. John M. Perkins, the founder of Christian community development (if you haven't heard of him...look him up) had this to say about restoring at-risk communities:

The biblical vision for Christian community development is for people to be in loving fellowship with God and with one another as they toil in fruitful labor, which benefits their community of need. The family as a unit must be reinforced. Leadership for their needed common efforts comes from within their own community.

Here's the bottom line, do I think that gentrification needs to happen? Yes. But do I believe that it is happening in the right way? No. Yet, I do believe that it could be done in a way that dignifies and a way that does not displace people. And, I believe that it takes the church stepping up and realizing their part in community development and doing it together with their community.

Doing it together and doing it right.

What do you think?

God bless you all!

Gentrification

2009-06-29T16:05:00.000-07:00

As I am ALMOST done with my summer courses, I have only one paper left for my classes. This paper has to be a 15 page research paper.

I have decided to do my paper on Gentrification. I am super excited to learn and write about this issue that is becoming more prevalent in many urban neighborhoods around the world.

I have a question for those of you reading this blog:

In your opinion, is Gentrification a purely "class" issue or is it also a "race" issue?

Hopefully i'll be writing soon to tell you my opinions, but I'd rather they be "informed" opinions, so I'll wait until I research and write my paper!

God bless you all.

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of fathers in children's (and adults!) lives. I live in a neighborhood where most kids may know who their dad is but they really don't know them. Many of their fathers have struggled with not knowing their own fathers and in turn do not know how to be fathers so they become the same absent fathers that their own fathers were. I have seen children whom are growing into young men in desperate need of strong, Godly dads. I have seen young ladies who are growing up in desperate need of dads who will tell them their value does not come from how they look or act but from the inside. I truly believe that my neighborhood and most poor or desolate neighborhoods would be completely changed if only their families were restored and fathers would take responsibility and become the dads that God created them to be.

I say all that to say that I have become fully aware of how amazing my father is and how blessed I am to have someone like him in my life. See I know my dad loves me. He loves me not just because he says it, but his actions have always shown it as well. He loves me because he has always provided for me. He is the hardest working man I have ever met. And, because of that hard-work ethic, I in turn have learned that I must be a hard-worker. He loves me because he always spent time with me. Even now, every time I come home, he wants to spend time with me. I cannot tell you what it means to me to know that he wants to go hiking or floating. I know often I am super busy and I don't get to do all the things that he wants to do, but I do hope he knows that it means everything to me to know that he wants to do something in the first place. He love me because he disciplined me. Yes, I know crazy huh? Instead of sleeping in late, he wanted us to get up and pick up chickens. I am the person I am today because he and my mom took the time to discipline me. He loves me because he taught me about Jesus. We were Sunday morning, night and Wednesday night church goers when I was younger. But that wasn't all. He showed us who God was by his actions, by loving, caring, guiding, and teaching us.

I have always been kind of a daddy's girl. I think of my dad as my hero. For no matter what happens, I know that he will ALWAYS have my back. I know that no matter what I do, he'll always love me. He is the best man I know. I pray that someday I marry a man like him. A man that loves God, his wife, and his children more than anything else and puts them above his job or hobbies or anything else. My daddy is the best!

My prayer is that more children in this world will be able to experience the love of their earthly fathers. For those in my neighborhood who aren't able to experience that love, I pray daily that they would be able to realize and accept the love of our heavenly Father. Often kids think of "father" in a negative connotation, but I hope that they understand that there is a father that will NEVER forsake them and will love them unconditionally. Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Although not everyone is blessed to have such an amazing earthly dad as I have, they are blessed because each and everyone one of us have a Heavenly dad, and that dad is God and He desires a relationship and a fellowship with each of us! Praise you God!

And Dad, I love you! Thanks for everything you do for me! You are definitely the BEST!

God bless you all!

2009-06-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Franklin D. Roosevelt was the 32nd president of the U.S. He served from 1933-1945 during the Great Depression.

When elected for his second term, he stated this during his Inaugural Address:

“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."

My question to all you is this, How have we progressed? If we were to give this "test" a grade, what grade would you give our nation?

God bless you all!

Imagine

2009-06-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

IMAGINE a country where health care aides can't afford health insurance. Where food industry workers may depend on food banks to help feed their children. Where childcare teachers don't make enough to save for their own children's education.

IMAGINE a country where the economy is increasingly not working for working people.

IMAGINE a country where the minimum wage has become a poverty wage instead of an antipoverty wage. The minimum wage has lagged so far behind necessities that keeping a roof over head is a constant struggle and family health coverage costs more than the entire annual income of a full-time worker at minimum wage.

IMAGINE a country where childcare workers, mostly women, typically make about as much parking lot attendants and much less than animal trainers. Out of 801 occupations surveyed by the labor department, only 18 have lower median wages than childcare workers.

IMAGINE a country whose school system is rigged in favor of the already privileged, with lower caste children tracked by race and income into the most deficient and demoralizing schools and classrooms. Public schools budgets are heavily determined by private property taxes, allowing higher income districts to spend more than poorer ones. In the state with the largest gap, state and local spending per pupil in districts with the lowest child poverty rates was $2,280 greater in 2003 than districts with the highest child poverty rates. The difference amounts to about $912,000 for a typical elementary school of 400 students-money that could be used for needed teachers, books, computers, and other resources.

IMAGINE a country where the typical white household has about six times the net worth-including home equity-as the typical household of color.

IMAGINE a country that doesn't count you as unemployed just because you're unemployed. To be counted in the official unemployment rate you must be actively searching for work. The government doesn't count people as "unemployed" if they are so discouraged from long and fruitless job searches they have given up looking. It doesn't count as "unemployed" those who couldn't look for work in the past month because they have no childcare, for example. If you need a full-time job, but you're working part-time-whether 1 hour or 34 hours weekly- because that's all you can find, you're counted as employed.

IMAGINE a country where prison is a growth industry. The government spends more than $25,000 per year to keep someone in prison, while cutting cost-effective programs of education, employment, community development, and mental illness and addiction treatment to keep them out. (Insane huh?)

IMAGINE a country that imprisons black people at a rate much higher than South Africa did under the apartheid. One out of eight black men ages 25-29 are incarcerated in prisons or jails compared to one out of 59 white men in the same age group. The nation's bureau of justice statistics reports that incarceration rates for black men of all ages were five to seven times greater than those for white men in the same age groups. Incarceration rates for black women are generally four times higher than for white men.

IMAGINE a country where health care is managed for healthy profit. In many countries, health care is a right. But this nation has health care for some instead of health care for all. Nearly one out of five people under the age of 65 has no health insurance, public or private. Health care is literally a matter of life or death.

What country is this?
It's the United States.

Martin Luther King Jr states: "A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. We are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's roadside; but...one day the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be beaten and robbed as they make their journey through life...

A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth...There is nothing but a lack of social vision to prevent us from paying an adequate wage to every American citizen whether he be a hospital worker, laundry worker, maid or day laborer."

(adapted from "Imagine a Country-2006" by Holly Sklar)

God bless you ALL!

Softball

2009-06-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

Softball season is now in full force! I am coachhing a team in the 11-14 yr old league and it has been interesting to say the least. Our record right now is 2-3-1. 2 of our losses was by only 1 run. Our team consists of two fourth graders all the way up to three eighth graders...very much a variety of skill, attitudes and maturity levels. We have two wonderful captains, Kanika and Alesha. Kanika is our emotional captain. She has stepped up so much over the past two years. Its amazing to see how much sports can teach someone about life. She has become a leader in every sense of the word and I am daily amazed at how great of a captain she is. Our other captain, Alesha, is our skills leader. She is, in my opinoin, our most skilled athlete. Without her on the field, we have to fill a huge void. Not only that, she is slowly becoming our "spiritual" leader as well. She, like us coaches, hold the girls to a high standard and always wants to go to God in prayer before and during the game.

As I have begun coaching for my second year, I have found that just important as coaching is learning. I feel the best leaders are also not afraid to learn alongside those that he or she is teaching. And oh how I have learned! One of our girls, as I was griping at her for her very slow response time, looked at me and said, "Shasta its just a game!" Yikes! How right she was. Its during those times I shut my mouth and I become more of an encourager and realize that really is my job here. Of course, I want them to get better and become really good softball players, but the truth is, most of them are just out there to have fun and be with their friends. My goal is to teach them life through this sport. My goal is to provide them with a fun, safe enviornment where they can learn but at the same time enjoy learning. My goal is to teach them about Jesus through the use of something as simple as a ball and glove or as difficult as losing a heartbreaker in extra innings.

As I continue my journey here at breakthrough, I find myself more and more becoming a spectator as much as a teacher. I have found myself more willing to learn and be taught even if it is by an eleven year-old girl. I also find myself falling more in love with Jesus as I fall more in love with his children. These girls, these girls are nothing short of amazing.

I leave you with a story, one of the many wonderful stories I can tell about my beautiful kids. I know that many people think I'm working with these heathen urban city kids or something. They ask me, how hard is it? Are they extremely disrespectful or mean? All these immediate stereotypes that people have when they see a black kid living in the hood. But, its the total opposite for my kids. Of course, they can be disrespectful at times. Of course, its not always easy. But the hard times are the best times, for its in those moments we both come out better people. So here is my story:

We decided to start one our seventh graders at pitcher. She is a good pitcher, has a long way to go, but pretty consistent and starting to get some speed as well. The only problem is, she has little emotional capacity. After walking her first batter and having 3 balls on the next, she told me, I QUIT! I want to go back to second base. I was extremely frustrated that she was quitting so easily but knew that trying to push her to continue pitching would be pointless. So, we called one of our other pitchers to pitch. The seventh grader was frustrated, as she moved to second base, I could tell she was gonna be distracted the rest of the inning. After telling her repeatedly to pay attention, the inning came to a close and I told her I was pulling her out because of her attitude. She got very upset, told me she wasn't a part of the team anymore and was very mad at me. She proclaimed she had no attitude and that she just didn't want to pitch. I calmly (for once ha!) told her that I was frustrated with her and that she needed to go sit on the bench. Well, for two innings, she grumbled and griped. I finally pulled her over to the side. It was time for some life lessons! I explained to her that her m.o. was to quit anytime things got hard. Our other pitcher had already walked about 4 girls in those two innings, yet she wasnt giving up. I told her she couldn't pitch strikes if she didn't pitch. I also explained to her how she is letting the team down by not cheering and encouraging them. I told her if I seen improvement in her, I would give her a second chance. That second chance would not be mitigated by messing up though! If she messed up, had an error or two, that was fine! She actually listened, said she would try better and went and sat down. For the rest of that inning and the next, she cheered, encouraged and actually told a couple of girls what they were doing wrong and how they could improve. It was interesting to see the complete change. I finally let her play the last inning and half. She did great! She didn't pitch of course but she hustled, cheered and tried her best. After the game, I had two last girls to take home, her and another girl who lived far away. I decided to take the far away girl home first since the 7th grader lived really close to me and the center. As we dropped off the far away girl, I asked her if she wanted some dinner (it was 9 pm and she hadn't eaten since school), McDonalds was right across the street. We stopped through the drive thru. As we drove home (the 15 minutes it took) she explained exactly why she acted the way she did. She didn't have to, I asked for no explanations and wasn't even going to bring it up. But, she told me all about how she was already upset before the game and other stuff that I didn't even realize was bothering her. Although I told her no one has an excuse for their poor attitudes, at the same time, I really appreciated how she realized her behavior was bad and chose to change it. It was a great 15 minutes to sit and just listen and talk to her. I feel like both of us learned a lot that night. I dropped her off at her house, McDonald's bag in hand, she ran up the stairs. I, waiting for the door to open as usual, was surprised when she ran back to the car. I rolled down the window, and said, "What's up?" She smiled and said, "thanks for the McDonalds!" And then ran back up the stairs and into the house!

In that moment...I was grateful for long, tiring nights. In that moment, I was thankful that God had put me in such an amazing place as breakthrough with such amazing kids as mine.

Softball is wonderful and I hope that I continue to remember my purpose as a coach and continue to enjoy and help my kids enjoy it!

God bless you all!

Neighbors

2009-05-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here with a restless heart tonight. Not only restless, but pained as well. I would go into details, but lets just say there is a lot of fighting going on between some of our neighbors. People have gotten hurt, including a kid in our program. And my heart is broken. I am in prayer for my neighbors and I wonder, what else can we do? I pour my heart into these kids, I pray over them, I encourage, discipline and love them daily. Yet, when violence and fighting between families happen, it reminds me of how much more needs to be done.

I really have little to say beyond the fact that this is the lives my children live in every day. They deal with things that would break most people, yet God gives them the strength to get through it everyday. Its interesting to me when people tell me they are "proud of me" or whatever. Although I thank anyone who is "proud" of me at the same time, it breaks my heart to know that so many people in this world are oblivious to the pain that so many children live through everyday. So many people don't care, they are too worried about their own lives to realize that God has truly called us to serve the poor, love the poor and take care of the poor. See, I know that I was born into a loving family, privileged to live in a community that believed in me and had many opportunities that most do not get...all that for one reason, one reason at all...to give back what I have been given.

So as the fighting rages on, I grab one of our girls, pull her close and tell her how much she means to me and how much God loves her. I remind her that no matter what, she has got to walk away, for I truly believe that God has a bright future for her and her little brothers. I made her promise me she'd walk away...no matter what. And then I pray, for protection for her and her family, for my child with the stab wound, for the other family members who have been jumped and I pray that this problem will be resolved and that someday, they would recognize that God loves and cherishes them and that He desires a different life for all of them...a life full of hope and joy.

It makes me laugh when people ask me what I do. I wonder, how do I explain it? How can I explain something that no one who doesn't live here or work in this sort of job can understand? How can I say that sometimes I come home and feel so broken and in despair that I wonder how I can go to work the next day? How can I say that there are times when I see the real potential of a child and just want to grab a hold of it and bottle it, knowing that more likely than not, they aren't able to live up to that potential? How can I explain the joy I have when I see children actually be children, laughing and playing without having the weight of the world on their shoulders? And I don't, I just say something lame like I work in a non profit with urban youth. Thats a lot easier to say and it makes people a lot more comfortable.

So, I sit here. Praying. Believing that God is in control. And knowing that my work is never in void and that as long as I live, I will continue to pour my heart and life into these children, knowing that is exactly what God created me to do. Praise God!

God bless you all!

Current Events

2009-05-14T12:24:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking about teaching a current events class to 6th-8th graders this summer... any great, creative, fun ideas for me? The kids get bored easily so it has to be more than "read the newspaper" or something like that...

Thanks!

God bless you all!

My Decision

2009-05-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

In September, I am moving back to the south, not sure exactly where, just closer to the fam.

That is all...

God bless you all!

Creation and Grace

2009-05-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

We get so preoccupied with ourselves, the words we speak, the plans and projects we conceive, that we become immune to the glory of creation. We barely notice the cloud passing over the moon or the dewdrops clinging to the rose petals. The ice on the pond comes and goes. The wild blackberries ripen and wither. The blackbird nests outside our window, but we don't see her. We avoid the cold and the heat. We refrigerate ourselves in the summer and entomb ourselves in plastic in winter. We rake up ever leaf as fast as it falls.

OUR WORLD IS SATURATED WITH GRACE, and the lurky presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter-in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, in a woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover His loving presence in the world around us.

For the eyes of faith, every created thing manifests the grace and providence of Abba.
(Written in "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning)

How often do we just stop and look around us at the amazement and beauty of creation?

"So mighty is his power, so great is his strength that no one fails to answer" (Isaiah 40:26).

The older I get, the more amazed I am at how fast time seems to fly by. Yet, there are nights when I go to bed realizing that I never stopped once, all day. I never really took in all the beauty around me. I never grasped God's grace and love that were all around me that day.

So, I pray this prayer...and I not only pray it for myself, but I pray it for all of you:

"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of your universe. Delight me to see how your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his, to the father through the features of men's faces. Each day enrapture me with your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all." (Rabbi Joshua Abraham Heschel)

God bless you all!

Preschool

2009-04-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

For most of you who do not know, Breakthrough has a "beginner's program" for kids 3-5 yrs old. Our Beginner's coordinator, Lisa, does a wonderful job leading the program and students really enjoy it. This year is no exception. The class is doing a series called "student of the week" where each week, a child is picked to be the student of the week and they get their "biography" posted on a poster on the wall for everyone to see. My favorite part of it, though, is that their mom (0r dad) comes in at the end of the week to share with the students. They may read a book, tell a story, or just answer questions while they are there.

My heart was really warmed today as I saw the students gather around the mom of one of our students. This mom is very poor and young, most people just pass her by on the street. Yet, in that moment, as all the children looked up at her, she was in the spotlight. She smiled as she answered questions, and you could see the joy it brought her that these students really cared what she had to say. I truly believe she felt valued and loved in that moment.

See, this is way more than a preschool. Breakthrough is way more than just an afterschool program. This is an organization that seeks to EMPOWER individuals. That sees past the faults and problems and sees the humanity in each of us. This is a place where we desire to show love to the unlovable and grace to all who walk through our doors. And thats the kind of organization that I love and am proud to be a part of!

God bless you all!

God's Love for us!

2009-04-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

For one of my classes, we had to buy/check out a couple of books for "references" for our research paper. I decided to buy cuz I love to read and so I figured, why not? I like to have as many books as I can. My dream is to someday have a "library" in my house! (wait a tangent...back to the reason for writing this) So, I bought the book "3:16, the Numbers of Hope" by Max Lucado. Little did I know it was a book "for teens." Actually, though, I figured, good deal, I can give it to one of my high school students after I write my research paper. Although it's for teens, I decided to read it anyways, just to make sure it was a book they would even want to read. And, man...it is a great book!

So, the book breaks down each part of John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." What a great verse, I mean, can you think of any other verse that people, young and old, christian or non-christian, who can say a verse from memorization better than this one? It was the first verse I ever memorized and I know that a lot of the kids I work with whom don't even really go to church can recite this verse.

Lucado is a great writer, in my opinion. I have read some of his other books and I usually enjoy them. As I am reading this book, there has been one chapter that really stuck out to me, even brought me to tears as I was reading it. Its always wonderful to be reminded of just how much God loves us, and Lucado does a great job of putting into words this great love.

This love...this love that isn't earned but instead given freely, with no strings attached. Lucado says, "Your goodness can't win God's love. Nor can your badness lose it." Deuteronomy 7:7-8 (MSG) says "God wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important-the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors." WOW! Now that is powerful! How often do we love someone, only because they treat us well or are "lovable"? Yet, God loves us even though we are pretty much unloveable. I know that I mess up all the time, more than I care to admit, yet He still loves me. Lucado says, "God will not let you go. He has handcuffed himself to you. And he owns the only key. You need not win his love. You already have it. And since you can't win it, you can't lose it either."

God's love for us is amazing. Beyond anything we can even understand. I do such injustice when I do not tell my children this daily. I do such injustice by not living in the freedom and fullness of His love.

I will leave you with this final thought...Ephesians 3:18-19 (MSG): "Take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God." Others undervalue you. God claims you. Let the ultimate voice of the universe say, "You're still a part of my plan." Your life has meaning! No matter how simple it seems, God put you on this earth for a reason! And no matter what, He doesn't give up on you. He's holding on to you, and His love is the best!

His love gives us hope...REACH OUT AND EXPERIENCE IT!

God bless you all!

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

Now I'm sure some of you know it is Earth Day but for a lot of you out there, I'm doubting you know or really care that it is. Wait a minute!!!!! This IS an important day. Today is a day not only to celebrate God's creation (and what beautiful creation it is!) but also to be reminded of how wasteful and harmful to the environment we really are. How often do you recycle? How often do you reuse? How often do you take paper over plastic or better yet, bring your own bag? How often do you buy organic foods and products? Do you even know what fair-trade is?

I hope as you go out through your day today, you take some time to go outside, enjoy the fresh air...maybe plant a garden or walk/bike to work and remember, God calls us all to take care of the world around us, even the smallest things can make a difference!

Oh and check out this "green tips" if you need help getting started:
Green Tips

God bless you all!

Read this article!

2009-04-16T11:01:00.001-07:00

I was reading this article today and was intrigued by his argument. This guy, Victor Harbison, is a teacher at Gage High School, a low performing school that serves mainly students living in poverty.
He makes a case against magnet schools, a very good case in my opinion. Hey government, listen up!: http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/10/magnet-schools-more-harm-than-good/

I'd love to hear any comments!

God bless you all!

Wayyy too long

2009-04-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I know it's been forever since I've written, I think the longest i've went without writing on my blog.

The truth is, i've been way busy. I am now taking two grad school classes, working 40+ hours 6 days a week, and in my spare time praying/thinking about the future.

Anyways, I, from the prompting of my brother, have been listening and studying Chip Ingram's r12 Christian series. I would highly recommend any and everyone checking it out at : http://www.livingontheedge.org/r12/

Hope you enjoy it! Oh and also, if you get a chance, listen to my kids' dreams on Arloa's blog: http://arloasutter.blogspot.com/2009/03/big-dreams.html#links

Finally, I'm headed to Arkansas today! YAY!!!! Last month, I got to go home for a couple of days, here's a picture of Jeremy and I at the marina:

God bless you all!

The big game

2009-03-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

Well, last week we played the number one team (orange) in the league. They beat us by 24 points. Tonight, the tournament started. We found out that we had to play the orange team again. The kids were beyond disappointed but I told them our game plan: to have fun. I told them to get out there, play hard and just have fun.

As the game got started, I realized quickly that are kids meant business. They were playin hard defense, goin for every loose ball, and just playin their hearts out. End of the first quarter, the circled around me and I said, look up at the scoreboard guys...4-4. I said, we can do this. I didn't believe it for a second but they sure did. I said, lets keep stickin our man, keep playin hard. At half time, the score was 6-6. It was CRAZY how well we were playin. I looked at my assistant coach and said, is this REALLY happening? The other team's coach didn't even know what hit 'em.

Second half got under way, end of the third quarter, 8-8. I know it wasn't a huge scorin game but they were just playin such good defense, that neither team could score. The last quarter, I pulled 'em around me, I told them lets go. This is it guys, we can win this, we can WIN this. This is our time...step it up. Orange started out with the ball, our bench and fans started cheering, DEFENSE, DEFENSE. That pumped 'em up. We scored. We were up for the first time ever. Ever. You should have seen them, they started jumping up and down....they were so pumped up. They scored, 10-10. Then they scored again a few minutes later, 12-10. Then we scored, 12-12. 8 seconds to go, tied up. They drove down, the ref calls a BOGUS call. He called a foul that I swear on my life that wasn't a foul. 5 seconds to go, the guy made 1 out of 2. 13-12. 5 seconds to go, I call a time out. Set up a play. Eric was to catch it at half court, take it in for the shot. He catches it, takes two dribbles, Devin was open, made the pass...Devin goes up, 3-2-1...and he misses it! We lose 13-12.

I tell you what, though. I've never been so proud of my kids. They played so hard, they deserve every second of that game. Oh how I wish they would have won, but I told 'em, they did more than I could have ever asked for. I wanted it so bad but they wanted it more. It was a crazy game but I seen so much improvement.

We play in the consolation game tomorrow. We lost to the team we play by 2 last time, so I'm hopin we pull it out tomorrow. Pray for us, I hope we end with a win.

Here is our team photo:

Front (R-L): Joshua, Jermaine, Jesse, Devin, Me. Back: Dave, Davevontay, Taquan, Eric, Cameron, and Mariah.

God bless you all!

Spring is near

2009-03-06T11:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday and today, I woke up to a sound I haven't heard in almost 6 months...birds chirping! It's 65 degrees outside and absolutely lovely.

Oh how I love warm weather!

God bless you all!

Redecorating

2009-03-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

So, Andrea and I decided that we would redecorate our kitchen. Now it isn't completely done, but here are some pictures of what we've done so far (by the way, we aren't pros lol).

So yeah, our colors are bright blue, lime green and red. We wanted to do something different. In other news, this week has been great. Our kids are taking the ISAT test this week (national standards test) and are pretty wore out when they actually get to BT. Pray for them as they have it all next week as well.

Here is a picture of a typical day this week:

LOL....God bless you all.

After 2 years...

2009-02-28T12:10:00.000-08:00

Today was a big day for my basketball team. After two years, we finally won a game! We played hard, and came out 12-9 victors! Yes, 12-9. :)

Congrats to Taquan, Devin, Eric, Cameron, Jesse, Davevontay, Mariah, Joshua, and Germaine!

Devin- the playmaker

Eric-the big man/beast :)

Davevontay-the hustler

Germaine-the all-around guy

Joshua-the heart

I wish I had pics of Cameron (rebound king), Taquan (the super star), Jesse (the defender), and Mariah (our secret weapon), but I will take a team picture soon!

Oh yeah, and Jesse says we won because of our new lucky charm...the blue dolphin (why? i have no idea!):

God bless you all!

What I've learned since Moving to Chicago

2009-02-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

So, since it has been almost 18 months since I moved to Chicago, I decided to write a post about what I've learned since moving to Chicago....It's a lot, so don't be surprised if this is part one of a mini-series :)

1. Snow is probably the worst thing on earth. I hate it.

2. Poverty is neither a black nor a white thing.

3. Saying hi to strangers is not weird, actually its expected!

4. 13 hours away from my family is too far!

5. God is PROVIDER

6. I've learned what direction east, north, west, and south really is! :) I can get around in a big city, now that is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do!

7. Christ can be found in the angry, crying, fist-balled, snot-nosed child more readily at times than the angelic, smiling child

8. I can get by on very little income and think the greatest blessings are in the smallest acts of kindness

9. It is in the trials that I find myself closest to God

10. I know now that I want to settle down somewhere WARM!

11. Ministry is the hardest job in the world yet the most fulfilling

12. The true meaning of sabbath

13. Living in community is really hard

14. Racism is still very real today

15. I will never forgive myself for not being there when my dog died

16. My brother is still the coolest guy I know, even when he is a big dork!

17.You can learn so much from a child: innocence, joy, forgiveness...true examples of how we must enter the kingdom of Christ

18. Chips should be added as their own separate food group. Hot flammins should be the number one chip in America by now.

19. Coaching basketball is my favorite thing on earth to do.

20. I can get around without a car if needed! Public transportation is a GREAT thing

21. When you commit to full-time ministry, the Devil hates it and tries everything he can to destroy you and your passion.

22. Nieces really are one of the most wonderful gifts of all!

23. There are a few things that you must have to survive a chicago winter some of these include, a shovel, a pair of waterproof, warm boots, big fluffy warm gloves (none of those mittens u wear in Arkansas will do), and salt. Lots and lots of salt. :)

24. I am more addicted to coffee than I ever realized before!

25. I've learned how to stop a fight without getting hit myself...lol

26. Diversity is wonderful and should be celebrated at all costs

27. I am desperately in need of Christ's strength at all times, I am so weak without him!

28. Laughter is vital to a person's health! I need laughter!!!!

29. I know what it's like now to walk into a place and be the minority & how daunting it can be.

30. I will never regret coming here, living in this community, learning and growing with Christ, but I really doubt that Chicago is the place I will settle down in! Yet, I have learned that God will call us to where we are needed most, not where we necessarily dream to be. And, I hope I always put his will over mine, for where his will is, I want mine to be there too!

God bless you all!

Trusting

2009-02-19T12:13:00.000-08:00

Anyone ever have a hard time with this whole "trusting God" thing? I am. Its funny, though, because I have ABSOLUTELY no reason not to trust Him. He shows Himself faithful every time I need it. Yet I fall back into the same pattern so often. Sometimes when everything around you looks so bleak, its hard to trust. Sometimes when I feel so defeated, I have to remind myself why I am here and that the devil is a liar!

What does it really mean to just "give it to God?" How do you do it? People say that cliche thing all the time...just give it to God and everything will be okay. And yeah, I pray I surrender to you Jesus, I pray and say ok God i'm giving you this situation...yet what does that really mean? Any ideas?

Pray for me! School brings even more stress and with basketball on Saturdays, I have little time to rest anymore. Even when I do rest, my mind is still racing...so pray for me. That I will find more outlets to relieve my frustration and for more ways in which I can rest. Pray that I will seek rest in God and be poured into.

God bless you all!

Leadership

2009-02-18T09:02:00.001-08:00

"Leadership is action, not position."

What a wonderful, true quote. A quote that reminds me that no matter your title, we can all be leaders. Leaders in our job place, leaders in our community, leaders in our family, leaders everywhere and anywhere.

God bless you all.

Relentless Faith

2009-02-15T08:04:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago Jeremy told me about a podcast by Pastor Creflo Dollar. I was listening to his podcast this morning, a message called Relentless Faith.

Here is the gist of the message:

Can God trust you to be faithful?

We all know that God is faithful, the same today, tomorrow, and forever. But, can God really trust us to be faithful?

All the devil wants to do is get you to quit. I know this all too well. Lately, I've wanted to quit. I just want to leave this ministry and go find a really good paying job. Sometimes, I want to quit and say these kids aren't ever going to change.

Yet God calls us to faithfulness. A life of faith requires faithfulness. Scripture says a faithful man who can find? Faithful means dependable, trustworthy, true, steadfast, solid, loyal, reliable, sturdy, trusting, the same, tried and true.

Can God trust you to do what you were last told you to do? Especially in times of trouble...faithful even in the midst of struggles?

A faithful man shall abound in blessings. Its hard not to be blessed when you're faithful.

Don't quit. When times get hard, when everything seems to be going wrong, when those that you are pouring into fall down, don't quit.

I want to be not just a person of faith, but a faithful person.

Can God trust you to be faithful? One of the things Pastor Dollar said was, "everyone seems to be out of the closet except Christians." Meaning so many Christians hide their faith. So many quit when times get rough.

God calls us to faithfulness. Honestly, thats the only thing we can really give God...faithfulness.

"It is by the test of your faith that develops perseverance. Perseverance's must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything....blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-4, 12.

Don't quit. Be faithful.

God bless you all!

Basketball-Playing and Coaching

2009-02-13T08:40:00.000-08:00

Last night my team, the Big Ticket, played in their 5th game. We are 4-1 after last night. Every game we've won has been by a margin of at least 30 points. I told my friend, Robin, (who comes to my games to watch) last night that I think my blood runs orange. :) I just love playin and coachin and watchin basketball that much. I did, though, jam my finger last night so it's pretty swollen and blue this morning...lets hope it goes down before the next game!

In other news, my kids had their first basketball game last weekend. We lost by 2 points in OVERTIME! I didn't go (I was skiing with Josh) but man do I wish I could have seen it! We play this weekend and I'm hoping that we get our first victory. The team we play this weekend scored 22 of his team's 24 points last weekend in their game. Lets hope I can get my kids to play defense! I soooo hope we win!

In other news...it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. I hope that all of you do something wonderful for your significant others. I know it's just a silly hallmark created day, but I think the message behind it is pretty great-celebrate the one you love. Yes, of course, we should do it more often, but the least you can do is one day a year!

God bless you all!

Family Time

2009-02-08T20:22:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday my cousin, Josh, flew up to Chicago from Florida. It was the first time I have seen him in 6 years. Thats right, 6 years.

He stayed for four days. It was great to see him. It was great to catch up, learn all about his life now and just feel like family again.

Thursday and Friday we went downtown. Saw the Navy Pier, Grant Park, and the Sears Tower. Walked the Magnificent Mile, ate lots and lots of food, and saw a Bogota, which I believe was his favorite thing of the whole time!

Saturday was by far my favorite day though. We went skiing in Lake Geneva, WI and had a blast! I skied the BLACK SLOPES and didn't fall. Yes, I definitely fell a lot, but Josh kept teaching me and encouraging me to try, try and try again. And, I went on the black slope twice and didn't fall either time! By the end, I felt like a pro. :)

He left tonight. I was sad to see him go and I hope that it isn't another 6 years before I see him again.

Here is a few pictures from our ski trip:

on the ski lift!

half the black slope half the blue slope

Josh wore out after a long day of skiing

God bless you all!

Courage

2009-02-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Anne Radmacher

I love this quote.

As I have been studying for my first class, I have already learned a lot. One thing we did last week was talk about our strengths and weaknesses.

I think one of my biggest weaknesses can be that I do not always have the courage to believe in a person or system's ability to change. So often, I see kids fall into the same destructive patterns that their family members have done or that everyone around them is doing. It breaks my heart to see children with so much potential throw it all away. I often think courage has to be this huge step of faith or this "roar" that all can be solved.

Yet, I this quote reminds me that courage can be a quiet, persistent and consistent voice. A gentle reminder to never give up. A gentle reminder that God is a big God and that He can do anything.

And I am learning to look and celebrate the small victories instead of focusing only on the "big picture." There are small victories and small changes that my kids are doing daily, and yet I so often overlook them. I must celebrate these small changes. I must, when I feel as though I have failed, be courageous enough to say at the end of the day, I will try again tomorrow.

Like I have said before, sometimes faith is putting one foot in front of the other, walking intent on not tripping. I am seeking to have faith in people's ability to change and grow, and know that even if they do trip, God can pick them up, dust them off, and I will try again the next day.

Courage.

Celebrate the small victories and changes you see in those around you. Have the courage to look back at the end of a hard day and say I will try again tomorrow.

God bless you all.

its late....

2009-01-26T21:22:00.001-08:00

I can't sleep. I've got so many thoughts running through my head so I decided to write.

Pain.

Pain to me is looking into a 13 year old's eyes and seeing hopelessness. Pain to me is hearing a 3rd grader say they have no dream.

Pain.

Pain to me is hearing a 6th grader struggle to read 4 letter words. Pain to me is watching someone who has so much potential throw it all away to be "cool".

Pain.

Pain to me is wondering if a child ate this evening. Pain to me is seeing defeat in a five year old boy.

This is the pain I experience.

Hope.

Hope is seeing the good in this neighborhood.

Hope is going to work each day with a smile on my face.

Hope is telling a child for the 16th time they can and will do better.

Hope.

Jesus is the only hope I cling to. This world has nothing to offer me. I believe in Christ's power to restore. I believe in Christ's power to heal.

I believe.

I believe that someday, Deangelo will be a famous writer.

I believe that someday, Lela will be a doctor.

I believe that someday, Jarell will make a difference in his community.

I believe that someday, Naima will be the 1st female president of the United States.

I believe.

We all must have pain, so we can experience true hope. We all must have hope in something we passionately believe in.

Pain. Hope. Believe.

God bless you all.

Strengths and Weaknesses

2009-01-25T11:30:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone.

I finished my first paper for grad school. I wrote it on homelessness and the barriers homeless people must face in attempting to overcome this problem.

I was reading up on my next assignment. It is a lot different than my first paper. This paper must be about my strengths and weaknesses. I am to write about three different categories: attitudes/values, skills, and knowledge and my strengths and weaknesses of each.

So here's my question...can you give me some ideas? I know there are some areas i'm stronger in and definitely some areas I need to work on...but in your honest opinion...what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? How can I improve as an employee, as a believer, and as a friend?

Thanks for your honesty!

Oh. and happy Sunday. Hope you all spend it resting!

God bless you all!

Martin Luther King Jr

2009-01-19T14:34:00.001-08:00

Today I celebrated MLK day by volunteering at a aids/hiv recovery home. It was amazing to hear the residents talk about their story and life. One of the people who work at the home asked us a question...what does celebrating MLK mean to you?

What did MLK's life mean to me...a white woman from the south? Wow. Martin Luther King Jr's was a pioneer in the civil rights movement. Yet, his life, his ideas, weren't just for blacks. They were for everyone of us. His life taught me many things. He taught me that if you truly believe in something, you'll do anything, even to the point of giving your life to the cause. He taught me there is something in nonviolence. So many people experience violence, hatred, and shame because they are "different" than others. Yet, he talked about equality and love. MLK taught me that racial reconciliation is something that everyone, especially believers, should strive for everyday. He taught me the importance of believing in something, of having a dream, and standing up for what you believe in.

Martin Luther King Jr should be celebrated. Yet, we shouldn't ever forget that although we've come a long way, we should continue on this journey and not forget his dream...

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true."

I pray that all of us move towards seeking to understand those that are different than us. I pray that we all find something we can believe in and stand up for it no matter the opposition. Most imporantly, though, I pray that we strive to love, for love is the thing that binds us all together. It is the greatest commandment, and without love we are nothing.

God bless you all!

Sun

2009-01-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining today. I think that means the temperature is above zero. Yay.

Oh the small things that make us smile.

God bless you all!

The glory days? NOT

2009-01-16T09:08:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine convinced me to join a city league basketball team. Last night was our first game. It was the first time I have played a real game since college and the first time I've tried to play with my bum knee. Not exactly the kind of start I would like to have had. Yet, I got out there and tried to play the best I could. Lets just say the emphasis is put on tried.

I realized I am not the young, fit basketball player I once was. Reliving the glory days I was not.

3 months of this? Hmm...maybe I should start practicing!

God bless you all!

Grad School and PRAYERS!

2009-01-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first official day of grad school. I am in the MA in Human Services program at Liberty University. Although I am very nervous about returning to school, I am also very excited to learn more about the Human Services field, especially in exploring more about specific special populations like the poor and homeless.

I have to read A LOT and write A LOT of papers. So, yeah, I'm hoping I don't get too stressed out. I really believe this is where God wants me at this time in my life, so I am going to try to take it all in stride.

I do have a couple of prayer requests. Prayer request one is that I am able to still find time to relax and enjoy some downtime. Now that basketball has started and I've started grad school, I'll be a lot busier with a lot less time to find some "life-giving" activities. The very last thing I want is to be moody and irritable at work because I'm not balancing my time well.

Prayer request two is that the weather clears up soon. We have a TON of snow on the ground and are expecting more tonight and tomorrow. Also, the temperature is in the single digits with it feeling wayyyy below zero. Not only does that mean hazardous driving, but most importantly, there are a lot of people here in Chicago who have no homes or homes with little or no heat. Please pray that everyone will find a warm place to sleep and warm food in their bodies. Also pray that all of us at BT are safe was we drive kids home after program each night and as some of us travel to and from work everyday.

My last prayer request is about safety. Now as most of you may know, I live in what some people call the 'hood. Although there have been very few times when I've felt a little uneasy while walking around my neighborhood, I still am aware that bad things can and do happen around here. Don't get me wrong, I love where I live and my neighbors are wonderful, they always help my shovel my car out or say hi when I am walking to work. Also, I love it that I live where the kids I serve live. I say all that to say that there have been a few people I know from or related to BT who have been beat up or mugged these past few months. They all have been males and all have happened in the same area (which is an area we have all been warned to steer clear of). One has been mugged 3 times...he has become a target for a few guys and they continue to wait for him to steal from him. Please pray for these 3 men. They are all here because they love Jesus and want to serve this community. Please pray that God will give them strength and that they will not be discouraged, but they will know that the testing of their faith produces perseverance. Also pray for safety for all of us. I have learned that there is no safer place than in doing God's will, and I know that no matter what, God is always with me. Yet, I also know the power of prayer and hope that everyone who reads this blog will be on their knees praying everyday!

Anyways, life is great. I find that I love my children more and more every single day. They remind me all the time of just why I have chosen this as my profession. And although I hate this weather with a passion, I am grateful to be here in Chicago at just a time as this.

God bless you all!

Colossians 3

2009-01-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

I was reading Colossians 3 today, the message version, and man did it make me take a hard look at my attitude. This passage is a great passage for any Christian-whether you've been one most of your life, or you just gave your heart to Him. Please, read. No, don't just read, but really read and try to understand what the passage is saying. It'll change your life!

"So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it! Pursue the things over which Christ presides: Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ-that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life-even though invisible to spectators-is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up too-the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ-the Message-have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives-words, actions, whatever-be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way." Colossians 3:1-17 (emphasis mine)

Real talk.

My favorite part of these verses is the sentence, and "regardless of what else you put on, wear love." Live a life of love, no matter what...thats the true meaning of Christ. Love.

God bless you all.

I hate snow

2009-01-07T16:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I told my sister that I was going to blog about this and I am.

I hate snow. I detest it with all my heart. There are few things I hate more than snow. Since I've moved to Chicago, I have seen more snow than the previous 23 years living in Arkansas. Last year, the snow caused me much heartache, including a lost phone. This year, I feel as though I'm headed straight for more and more heartaches. It takes sometimes a good 20 or 30 minutes just to shovel my car out somedays! UGH!

I can honestly say, the worst thing about living in Chicago is the snow. Now, I hate cold weather, don't get me wrong, but the snow is worse than just it being cold. Actually, I'd be fine if it was just cold...but no, just when I get happy again that I can see the cold dirt beneath my feet, here comes another winter storm! All of a sudden, I can't wear any other shoes beyond my boots, I can't get up a little late cuz I gotta plan for the 30 minutes it takes me to wipe off my car and shovel it out...that is if I can even get it out! And then...I gotta hope and pray that the snow trucks don't come out and plow it all onto my car before I get out there!

One of the first things I realized that was different in Chicago was that the snow didn't melt! I remember when I was younger being so excited to get snow (especially since it usually meant no school) and then the next day, it'd all be gone! Not in Chicago, it takes days, sometimes weeks for the snow to melt!

Anyways. Thats it. I just wanted to tell the whole world that I hate snow. :)

God bless you all. Oh and a warm and snow-free January to you all!

Send Me

2009-01-05T20:12:00.000-08:00

I was listening to this song today. "Send Me" by Lecrae. It's got a great message. As I was listening to it, a lot of the lyrics really hit me. It's exactly how I've been feeling these past few days. I feel as though the world is just a bunch of selfish people who don't care about anyone but themselves. It makes me sick how greedy people are these days and how so many people are going without so that a few can get more and more.

Anyways, here are the lyrics to this song...pay attention to the parts I bolded!

Lecrae - Send Me
Send Me, I'll Go Send Me, I'll Go Send Me, I'll Go Let Me Go!

I Seen it wit my own two

Theres no way I can show you

A perfectly poverty stricken people with no view

And I bet you can't believe this

They never heard of Jesus

Heard of Young Buck, Lil' Wayne, and Young Jeezy

No One signing up to go on missions this summer

Rather sit at home and watch Xzibit pimpin a hummer

While at night he rollin Shot now

Nobody sreamin Stop now

No bridge illustrates for criminals who on Lockdown

People deep in Africa, lookin for an answer bra

In China men are dyin men until they know who died for sin

So, look what grace did

Not for us to stay in

Inside our comfort zones at home in Momma's basement

Get out on the grind ya'll, aint no better time dog

I know you read the Great Commission let me just remind ya'll

Make Disciples of the Nation teach them to obey the Lord

Hate to never lead someone to Christ before I see the Lord

Ay, after 1000 years in the west and the churches

Gettin bigger daily without understandin worship

Some regenerate but alot aint saved

You walk outside and be surprised that the block aint changed.

And the numbers they be gettin them

Somethin still aint hittin them

American's aint Christian's they just practicin the rituals

Thats why we should be missions ay oh what you think I'm spittin fo

United States is dyin and the east is lookin pitiful

Some places if they catch you they'll arrest you and they'll serve you

But they still need the word too the gospel should be heard too

We claim we aint ashamed but we still aint hit the block up

We in our Christian bubble while our brothers gettin locked up

Lord I wanna Stop up

Take a bag and Walk up

In a country where sharin my faith may get me Shot up

Anyway I go Lord whether my city, Lord or For a broadI just wanna show them Jesus Christ the risen Holy God.

I know they dyin in the streetsOver in the Middle East

Some kids seekin peace

Others holdin up a peace

If the violence doesnt seace

Then at least, the decease

Might know Jesus as they savior as they're body hit the street

And I know this is a graphic view I pray that its attackin you

Tractin you, to act and do what you see in the back of blue

Matthew 24:14 We should read it twice

Before we think that life is just a Battle see we live for Christ

Look dog, life is more than Church, Work, and Football

What if you were dead in sin and Christians overlooked ya'll

This is why we leave the couches and the comfort of our houses

To show the world a God that Mayan never read aboutYeah...

The Great Commission says make Disciples of all nations

Have we even made em in our own nation?

Come on Christians

Missions exist because worship doesn't

People don't worship the God that made them

We Ambassadors..Let's Go!

Deep stuff. I pray it speaks to you as it has me.

God bless you all!

A New Year

2009-01-01T13:25:00.001-08:00

2009 Wow. Another year gone, another year here. It seems like not too long ago that we were ringing in 08. A lot of things happened over this past year, and part of me is glad it's a new year.

A lot of good things happened...weddings, new babies, 1st black president...and yet a lot of pain was experienced too. One thing I can say about 08...it was definitely an eventful year. Of the 25 years I've been alive, I think this has been the most trying and yet most growing I've ever done as a woman of God.

I have never been really good at the whole "resolutions" thing. I wish I was better at them, but I never seem disciplined enough to stick with it. There are many things I think I could grow in, many areas I could become more disciplined in, etc, etc. blah blah blah, right? :)

Seriously though. I do think 2009 will be a big year. And the thing I want this year to be about? Taking risks. Stepping out in faith. Isiah 40:31 says,
"But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

This scripture. I want to live in that hope. To soar on wings like eagles....to live in hope that I can do all things because I have hope in the Lord. Hope means to place confidence in. To trust God completely. This is my one and only resolution.

What are your new year resolutions?

Check out a few of my favorite pictures over the past year....God bless you all!:

BT Christmas 08

2008-12-18T19:04:00.001-08:00

Another Christmas party already? I couldn't believe the time had come for another Christmas season. Although Christmas brings long hours, lots of planning, and not much sleep, it also brings out the best in most of our kids. This year was no exception!

For our party this year, we decided to do 4 stations. A food station (KFC..yuck), a craft station, the presents station (their favorite of course), and finally the Christmas store station. The Christmas store is a time when the students, using BT bucks, can buy presents for their family members. (We also have a Christmas store for the community, which is an amazing opportunity for people to get great brand new gifts for a 1/4 of the price they'd pay in the store!)

I was assigned to the 5-6th graders, of course, but I was excited about it cuz I'm growing closer to my 6th graders every day. The kids spent the whole afternoon with smiles plastered on their faces. From the food they thought was "fie" to buying Christmas presents for everyone from their mommas to their baby brothers, to opening up their presents and screaming with glee, I really think they had a great day! They even remembered to thank us as they were leaving.

Anyways, thought i'd share a few pictures with you from the events of the day...enjoy!

Oh, and I go home very soon! I can't wait to see all my family and friends!

God bless you all!

Joy

2008-12-14T17:51:00.001-08:00

The past couple of months, I have been searching for a new church. This weekend, I chose to visit one I hadn't ever been to called Community Christian Church. Thankfully, I have a good friend, Maria, whom has been more than happy to go with me. It's kind of hard going to church by yourself, especially if you don't know anyone. The church has different locations, so we chose to go to the Pilsen campus.

So yeah, I really enjoyed it. Of the churches I have visited lately, I defintely liked this one the best. Since it's so close to Christmas, the pastor has been doing a series called Advent. Advent is defined as either "the season including the four Sundays preceding Christmas" or "the second coming." As part of the advent season, he talked about Joy today.

Joy. The angel came to the shepherds saying, "behold I bring you good news of great joy which will be brought to all people." JOY. We have great joy because Christ came to earth.

So, this question I must ask you all. Are you living a joyful life? Joy is different than happiness. Happiness is brought on by circumstances. Joy is brought on by our emotional well-being. One person said this, the opposite of happiness is unhappiness, while the opposite of joy is fear. What does the bible say about fear? "There is no fear in love. For perfect love cast out all fear." And God is love.

When you think about a joyful person, who comes to mind? How would you describe that person's life? Would you say that they got it all together? I wouldn't. I would say, though, that no matter what happens, they have a trust and faith in God that brings them true joy.

"The joy of the Lord is our strength." In his presence is the fullness of joy. Have you ever really thought about that verse? Joy is strength? What does this mean to me, as a woman of God who is constantly seeking to grow in Christ? Where does my strength lie?

I have come to realize I wouldn't exactly describe myself as "joyful." My emotions seem to be determined by my circumstances. When things go wrong at work, do I thank God that I have a job, one that I absolutely love, or do I complain that things aren't perfect? When I'm all alone on a weekend, do I feel lonely or do I rejoice that I have a God who will never leave nor forsake me? I could go on and on about the promises of God and how so often I either choose not to trust in them or I just don't fully understand them. Either way, I believe that so often, I live in a state of "fear" which is the opposite of Joy. And so often, I am a person affected completely by my circumstances.

My challenge for myself as well as you is that you will choose to live a life of Joy. Choose to believe in his promises that his joy is our strength. To be reminded that only Christ can give us real joy. So often people feel the voids in their lives by seeking "happiness" in things, like relationships, addictions, busywork, ect...always seeking to find that ultimate source of happiness. Yet, this is not the life God calls us to live. Jesus came so that we may have an abudant life, a full life. The only way to have that life is through Him. The only way to have that ulitmate joy is through him. Even as a Christian, I sometimes seek that happiness in other things. What about you? Do you seek Christ above all or do u find yourself trying to become happy by other means?

I seek Christ. In all I do, in all that I am. I choose to believe the joy of the Lord is my strength. I choose to believe that Christ is all I need or have. And as I live each day, seeking his face instead of my own needs, I hope that I will choose to not complain but to realize that my circumstances can not determine who I am.

I hope as we go through this busy Christmas season, we will stop to remember why we really celebrate Christmas. We will remember that the angel's news was of "great joy" which was Christ Jesus our Lord being born. As we become overwhelemed by the traffic and busyness in the parking lots of stores, money spending and worrying over what gift to buy whom, or even how we will spend our holidays...stop and remind yourself of this great joy Christ came to give us. Stop and remember that the best gift we could ever have received was the price paid on the cross.

I am praying that I will. I have a full week, long work hours, over-sugared and over-excited kids, and the anticipation of going home...all of these things are "cirucmstances" that could, if I let it, determine how I will act or feel. Choose this day. How will I act today? Will I live a life of joy this Christmas season? I hope so.

And I hope you do too.

rawrrrrrr

God bless you all!

Peanutt

2008-11-30T12:41:00.000-08:00

I love you buddy. Forever and always...

10 years was just not long enough.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

2008-11-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

Happy late Thanksgiving! As I lay here on my couch, wore out and still full...I'd say it was anything but a traditional holiday for me. I was blessed to have my family come see me and Chicago this holiday! We spent the first day in my neighborhood (they were...ummm...a little nervous the whole time lol) and then spent the next day and a half in downtown Chicago.

It was a first time for almost all of them, so we had fun sight-seeing (except for the small fact that they froze the entire time) and eating lots and lots of food. We ate everything from cheesecake to chicago style pizza! And it was all very yummy!!! We also went shopping this morning...and although we didn't find too many sales, at least we can say we went shopping at 6 am on the magnificent mile ;)

I was so blessed, because during this hard economic times, I know it wasn't easy for my parents to come all the way out here. I know they sacrificed so much to come out and I'm so very thankful for that. Not only them but my sister left her two precious baby girls at home with Josh and I know B&B aren't the biggest fans of spending lots of money on food and hotels. So, they all sacrificed a lot to come see me!

And, although I know they are tired and ready to be home (they are still on the road), I hope that they enjoyed their first chicago-experience and I pray that they know how much I enjoyed them being here, most importantly so they could see where I live and work!!

From riding the train, a scary experience for some, meeting crazy kids like Jermaine and Jameisha, to cheering mom on as she got us a free night, to eating cheesecake after we were completely stuffed, to trying to find the "Buckingham palace"and to staring at the spitting man trying to make him pop up only to realize we could see him from the hotel room ...I think they all enjoyed it!

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday. I missed my nieces and extended family but having my family here for Thanksgiving makes it one of the most memorable holidays ever! I love my family!

God bless you all!!

Philippians 3-Part 2

2008-11-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

You know, there are somedays when I feel like just giving up. Somedays when I feel like i'm not making a difference, the kids aren't learning, they aren't growing, nothing. And sometimes I feel like these days are more normal than the days where I feel like i've seen such great improvement and am just encouraged by how well my kids are doing. Somedays, I come home and I am just completely and totally, ridiculously wore out. There are somedays when I just feel I can do nothing right and every kid hates me. Somedays where I just want to stop...stop caring, stop trying...just stop. Somedays....

Then, I think about a few days ago. There is a student that I have just completely poured myself out to. Whom I love dearly and whom I have done everything within my power to help her, to protect her, to teach her, to disciple her...everything I can to make sure that she grows into the amazing young lady that God has created her to be. And I truly love her with every ounce of my being. Well, one particular day, she just came in and said some stuff to me that broke my heart. Just completely tore my insides out. And everything in me just wanted to scream and cry out: "why? what have I done to you? can't you see how much I've done for you? how i've poured out everything I have for you? how much I love you? i don't deserve this!" Yet, I calmly walked away, and she was oblivious to the hurt and pain I felt from words that stung so deeply inside me.

As I was running errands after work that night...I decided to vent my anger to God...in tears I asked God, "why did she say those things? Why is it that I can pour so much into these children and they just don't seem to respond at all? God I don't understand!" And in that moment...a scripture came into my head...Philippians chapter 3 verse 10: "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings..." This same scripture that I had been struggling with all week. And in that moment of total dispair, God spoke to me and said, "I know exactly how you feel." And I realized that this feeling, this feeling of loving someone so much and completely pouring yourself out to them, only to have it thrown back in your face time and time again is how God feels every single day with his children...only about 10 million times worse. And I realized that so often I do the exact same thing to Him...yet He never stops loving me, never gives up on me, and I began to rejoice in that beautiful and miraculous fact.

And, I rejoiced in the fact that in that moment, I was sharing in his sufferings. I was feeling the pain that comes with seeking to love even when it hurts. The pain that comes with giving everything I can give through Christ, only to have it rejected competely. And yet, I(because of Christ in me) press on. Because I want to know Christ...not just through the happy times...but in the pain...in the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings. "But whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

And so tomorrow, as the kids walk through those doors at the Joshua Center, I will greet each kid with a smile and a hug...and I will be reminded on a daily basis that I am doing this all for Jesus Christ, that I may find him in the smallest of things, whether it be through helping a child do their homework, laughing at them as they attempt their ridiculous jokes or even discipling them for their outright disrespect. And I will be reminded in those moments of pain of the pain I have so often caused Jesus myself, and the forgiveness, grace, mercy and love he shows to me even in my darkest moments.

God, may you teach me through these young children. And, everytime I think about giving up...everytime when I feel like nothing I do matters, may I be reminded that you are my strength and it is you and only you whom I am serving and glorifying through my words and actions. May you shine through me when those moments come crashing in, that these children will know you as the forgiving and loving God that you are.

God bless you all!

Philippians 3-Part 1

2008-11-15T17:14:00.000-08:00

These past couple of months, I've been mediating on specific passages in the bible, usually a couple of weeks at a time. The passage that has been on my heart the past few months is Philippians chapter 3:1-11; especially verses 7-11.

It says:
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

These verses have resonated deep within my soul as I think about when Paul was writing this to the Philippians. He was telling them how if anyone had reason to be confident in themselves (they can save themselves), he would be because he was of a pure bloodline, a Pharisee, circumcised, and as far as rules and commandments go...faultless. Yet, he says all this to say that everything the world sees as profit...is a loss for him now because of Jesus. After his conversion to Christ, he realized none of that really mattered. Knowing Christ is the only thing he can be confident in. I think about this because I know people will someday stand before God and say, yeah I should get into heaven...I mean I gave 10% of every check to the church or I was a social worker or I never stole anything...ect...but Paul says, nope...all of that is works, and you can never be "good enough" for God. No, Paul says, my "resume" seemed perfect and faultless at one point, but when Jesus came into my heart, he showed me the only thing I need (and that saves my soul) on my resume is Jesus Christ. Two letters...Jesus Christ. He is ALL we need.

Oh what freedom! To know that nothing I can do or not do will make God love me more or less. Yes, Romans 8:1 says "therefore there is NO condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. "
These words. They make some people a little...uh, nervous. This world tells us we are a "good" person if we don't steal or kill, if we give to charity and ya know, help out our friends in need. Yet Jesus says, no one is good but God himself. There are going to be a lot of "good" people in hell someday. Yet, the grace of God shows us that we are saved not by our "goodness" or the things we do but by the amazing grace and mercy of Jesus Christ our Lord. Only with Jesus in our heart can we stand before God someday. Unfortunately, the freedom to know that their is no condemnation for those in Christ is a freedom that many people, including Christians themselves, don't really seem to live in. It's a freedom that sometimes I struggle myself to live in.

Yet, I think when we offer ourselves to people who don't know Christ, and we are truly living in Christ's freedom, people see us as ones who aren't perfect but they see a Lord who loves us despite our faults...it becomes more about Him and his grace and less about us and how "good" we are. Oh how I desire for my kids at work to see and feel this freedom! This is my desire everyday, that they don't think you have to "have your life together" or whatever, but they can see that Christ loves them regardless and desires a real relationship with them!

The second part of this passage..."that I may know Christ...and the fellowship of his sufferings." Well, this will have to be another blog...cuz that part is a lot harder to swallow! Check back soon...part 2 of Philippians 3 is soon to follow.

God bless u all!

Benefit

2008-11-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Last night Breakthrough held it's annual benefit to raise money to support our organization. It was a great night with over 1700 people coming to check out what BT is all aboutErwin McManus was the speaker this year, and although I was with the kids the whole time, I heard he did a great job.

As always our kids sung in choir. We take the kids at 4:00 to the hotel and stay there until usually around 9 or 9:30. So, it's a real long night for them and for us! It was stressful, but as always it ended up being a great time for them and once we got past the stress of it all, it was a great night for me as well. Because we have such a long time in the "green room" waiting for our moment to shine, I always bring my camera so they can take pictures. And boy did they take pictures. I think over 70 were taken! So, in remembrance of the night...here are some of the best pics:
"What would happen if all of us began to discover our God given dreams? What would happen if all of us began to live wide awake and began to live our lives in such a way that everything we did, every choice, every act, all of it was used to fulfill those dreams and make the world a different place?"

-Erwin McManus (the keynote speaker) at the Breakthrough Benefit

God bless you all!

Where would Jesus go?

2008-11-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to a very good friend of mine's church. I have decided to start looking for a new church and I figured the first place to look would be at her church. As we started getting close to the church, we realized that we would have to turn around to park, so about half a block from the church we turned down a side street to turn around. We saw on the side of the road, about 15-20 people sitting or standing on the sidewalk. They seemed to be homeless and some were disabled. I wondered out loud to my friend, what are they all doing there? We then pulled around and found a parking spot.

As we walked to the church, I realized that on one side of the church was a food mart and on the other side was a liquor store. As we walked into the church I noticed how big and nice it was. It was a very nice church, and there was probably 200 or so people in the congregation. Mostly young, very nice looking people. Yet, I was absolutely overwhelemed with a question that was in my spirit...Where would Jesus go? The so obvious distinction between the poor outside to the "rich" (in most terms) inside was very overwhelming to me. It seemed a little odd that the church would be placed there.

We found a spot to sit and as I sat there, trying to breathe in and not go running out...the thought continued to resonate within me...where would Jesus go? If he was riding in the car with us and got out...would he walk into the church...an awesome church with a lot of really nice people...or would he have got out and said...i'll see you guys afterwards, i'm going to go hang out with those people over there? I think he would have chosen the latter.

Now, I'm not saying that I should have gone over there and hung out with them...I may have gotten hurt, or maybe I would have been warmly welcomed...all I'm saying is that sometimes we try so hard to be "about Jesus" that we miss Jesus all together.

The service was good. I don't really think it's the church I want to go to (I want a more diverse-economically, racially, etc), but I understand why some would really enjoy it. I know, though, that throughout the whole service, I continued to think about the men, women, and children sitting outside and I wondered if we were missing the whole boat. I don't know...all I know is that Jesus is messing my life up. He keeps giving me eyes to see some things that are totally and completley messed up in our society, and yes sometimes in our own church. Although he is messing my life up...I love it and I pray he continues to challenge me and push me to become more like him every single day of my life.

And taking the words of the Pastor tonight...may my deepest satisfaction always be in Jesus Christ!
God bless you all!

Halloween Fun

2008-10-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

So for Halloween this year, I had absolutely no idea what to do. After browsing the Halloween store aisles for close to an hour, I decided that grabbing random items would have to do. I grab purple hair spray, a choke collar, fake piercings, and neon green and black tights. Yeah.

After lots of thinking, I decided on being a punk rocker...namely Avril Lavigne. So I got a couple of tattoos, dyed my hair, had a couple of piercings, and cut up a "rock" shirt of mine...here are the results:

At BT, we had a halloween party. Lots of candy, food, games, and fun! The kids seemed to really enjoy it and most even dressed up:

What did you dress up as?

God bless you all!

Growth

2008-10-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

I constantly feel like God is challenging me in many different areas. I also feel like He never likes me to get too comfortable. For example, although I figured that I would be doing the exact same thing as last year (as far as work), He decided to move me to a new group, the 6th graders...a very difficult and challenging group. I love them, don't get me wrong, but I was definitely not excited about the change. Yet, I know God is challenging me in areas I need to grow in, hence the movement to a more difficult group of kids.

As this new year has begun, one of the things AmeriCorps requires of all it's members is to do an IDP at the beginning of the new year. IDP stands for Individual Development Plan. Basically, they want to know what skills you desire to achieve and the goals you want to meet during the our year of service. They also ask what steps you will take to achieve these goals. This is very good for me on a personal and professional level, unfortunately though, AmeriCorps is not a faith-based organization, therefore I can't state any spiritual goals/areas I want to "accomplish" or grow in.

Therefore, since I am not able to actually state these in my IDP for AmeriCorps, I decide to share with the whole world (or the 4 or 5 people who actually read this blog) what my spiritual goals and areas I want to grow in are.

One of the areas I most want to grow in is in the area of complete and total dependence on God. Sometimes, I try so hard to do the "small things" on my own...and then I wonder why I failed so miserably. Over the past year, I have been separated from my family and friends and at times I have felt very much alone...yet through these moments, God has and is continually showing me that he is very much there with me and that I can totally rely on Him.

Another area God is wanting me to grow in is in the area of servanthood. I look back at the life of Jesus and how it was completely devoted to serving others. He says, my kingdom is an upside-down kingdom; the first shall be last and the last shall be first. No master is greater than his servant. I am daily seeking ways in which I may serve my co-workers and my kids. At times, it is very hard for me because this means I must be humble enough to do things that I most likely wouldn't want to do normally. Isn't this the whole, dying to myself daily thing, though? This also reminds me that so often we as humans, we really enjoy being recognized when we do something good...yet Paul writes that if he must boast, let him only boast in the cross of Christ Jesus, our Lord.

God has also been challenging me to respond in a way that is glorifying to him, no matter the situation. So often, I respond in anger, in sarcasm (a favorite of mine) or I respond in anxiousness. But, Paul, in chapter 4 of Philippians says 2 things. He says, "let your gentleness be evident to all." In this passage, he was talking about when we are worried, anxious, upset, or nervous about something...we should respond gently. If anyone knows me, they know if I am put in a nerve racking situation or I become upset about something, the LAST thing I do is respond in a gentle or kindly manner. Yet, God says, no matter what, don't be anxious but give it to me, and through me, your gentleness will be recognized by all. The other thing he says is that "whatever is pure, whatever is noble, what ever is true, whatever is lovely, etc...think on these things." So often, I do not glorify him by my thoughts and words. I complain or gripe, I gossip, I become upset with my kids...and these things aren't pure or true. These things aren't lovely in God's sight and they do not in anyway glorify him. And God is giving me a multitude of chances everyday, through working with a very challenging group of 6th graders daily, to grow and respond in ways that glorify him, no matter how they are acting or what the situation.

I can go on and on about the many areas I'm being stretched in. I could go on and on about the many areas where I fall short, but I know Jesus loves me beyond my faults and failures. Yet, I will stop at 3 for now. I hope that all of you will hold me accountable in these areas. And I hope that you all are seeking ways in which God wants you to grow as well!

Oh, and here is a picture of some of my girls...6th grade and up! These beautiful girls are entering a time when they are beginning to get hit by a lot of pressures and they need prayer now more than ever! I know some say "i don't know them, why should i pray for them?" Well, if you know me, then I ask because you know me, pray for them because I love them so very much and each of them are very near and dear to my heart.

God bless you all!

they look a lot sweeter than they are...

2008-10-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

God bless you all!

Teachable Moments

2008-10-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

Teachable moments are moments during the day that someone (You and me) can use as a learning opportunity for someone else (kids, friends, etc).

My job is all about seeking out and capitalizing on these moments. That should be my official title: seeker of teachable moments. I'm sure no one has ever actually held that title. But then, I think I may be fired from my job for all the times that I've missed those moments because of my stubbornness or my temper!

These moments, though, seem to pop up at the most random times. And, although I like to always think of them as moments where through the holy spirit I can encourage or teach one of my kids, it is also moments where I am taught something as well.

Considering the violence and gravity of the situation that our students live in on a daily basis, these moments are also critical. And I pray that God gives me the wisdom and courage to find every opportunity with my children as a teachable moment.

This (along with a million other reasons) is why, for the past few days, I have written on my arm the reference John 3:30. Do you know what that says? It says: "He must become greater, I must become less." This life I live is not about me. I forget this so easily. I forget this when I let my feelings get hurt or I forget this when I get praised for something good that happened...I tend to make life about me. I tend to think that what happened had something to do with me. Yet, I am not, but I know the I am.

He must become greater, I must become less. There is nothing good that lives in me but Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. Without being fully focused on him and living my life to glorify him, those teachable moments become faint and unseen. Without having Jesus as my center and my all...I will be so busy with everything going on that I will completely miss those moments that are so pivotal in these kids' lives.

I praise God for being the best teacher! I hope all of you are learning daily from him and I hope that you begin to find those teachable moments in everything you do!

God bless you all!!

I'm a published author :)

2008-10-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

So recently, TechMission published a story I had written about my first year as an AmeriCorps member. You can read it here.

God bless you all!

Childhood Memories

2008-09-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

What do you think of when you think about your childhood? There are so many memories I have, most good, a few bad. I can remember the many many times I went to Lori Beth's house for sleepovers. I remember playing softball in the mud and I remember playing "duck, duck, goose" with my preschool classmates. I also remember sad things, like my cousin dying of brain cancer or the many many arguments I got into with my friends. But there are so many more good memories than bad. I remember having parents who loved me (and still do of course) but I also remember having other people around me that loved me as well and set good examples for me to follow.

So yeah, what memories do you have from your childhood?

The reason I ask you this is because of what kind of childhood my kids are living. Yesterday, I was at the park helping with our soccer team. Standing there out of the corner of my eye, I see two men sitting in a white car (right across the street from the park). The reason I noticed them was cuz I had seen these two young girls walk by our field and then as they were walking by the white car, they stopped and were talking to the men in the white car. Not even a minute or two later, a police car pulls up and proceeds to get the men out of the car and search it. A few minutes later, they were arrested and taken away. The kids, of course, saw it happen. Not all of it but they definitely saw the men getting taken out of their car. And ya know, I have no clue why the cops even stopped. I do know that at the parks around where we live, people are always dealing drugs. So maybe they assumed they were and decided to stop and check it out. The point is, the kids saw it. So often, I hear one of my kids talking about how this park got closed cuz people were selling drugs or they know this drug dealer that stands on this corner or that drug dealer that stands on that corner. Yeah, thats their memories.

As we were driving home, a 4th grader and I were talking. We were talking about how someone has been trying to kidnap kids by their school. Pretty weird, but yeah, apparently the kids are on alert to not walk anywhere by themselves. Well, the boy started talking about how this kids momma got shot and how this other kid's bro got shot and all this stuff. And then he said, and i'm not kidding this is his own words: "i'm not walking anywhere by myself, i don't know why but i just have this feeling that someone is about to get shot by our school. i just know that their is going to be a drive-by anyday now and i dont want to die yet." A fourth grader! It brings tears to my eyes as I sit here and just think back about it. This is their childhood memories. I don't know about you, but it wasn't really a thought of mine that I may get shot when I get out of school. It wasn't really a thought of mine that if I went to the park, that someone might approach me and ask if I want to buy some drugs.

Their childhood is also filled with bad things at home. Some of my kids have lost family members to violence, others have parents in jail or on drugs. Some don't go in till way after dark because their parents work late and they have nothing to go home to. Yes, some have wonderful parents, but some, some have parents that just don't care. And some, some have no parents at all so they live with grandmas or aunties. This, this is their memories.

So yeah, thats their childhood. The stories that i've heard from my kids, the stuff that they have seen, it just breaks my heart. I remember my boss telling a story, he said he was driving the bus one day and they were at a stop sign and seen this one man getting beat by a mob of guys with bats and sticks. One of the kids looks up at him and said...I have never seen that before. My boss said, I hadn't either...but then again, I was 32 and he was only 8.

Wow. I wonder, I wonder if I'm really making a difference. I think back to camp, I think back to when I would see these beautiful children come to our camp and they would be so hard and so angry. And I just didn't get it. I didn't get it because I saw them in "my element" not theirs. Now, I live in their element and I get it. I understand why so many kids become so hard and so angry. I understand it because they live in a place of hopelessness. They live in a place filled with so much sin that they can't get away from it all. Drugs, violence, these are the NORMS around here.

I have been sent here for a reason. Sometimes, I forget this and wonder why in the heck am I here? Then I realize that there is hope. There is hope because of Jesus Christ. I think back to a verse in 2 Corinthians chapter 6, Paul writes ...known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." We have hope. In this dry and desert land, we have hope. We have hope because we have nothing, yet posses everything. We are poor yet are making many rich. This world has nothing to offer us, but Jesus Christ has everything. He came that we may have life, and have it to the full. I came to the westside of Chicago to show these kids that there is a life that is full and really living. This life is dead. I came to show them that there is hope and that they can have a life, a full life.

I can't do this without Jesus. I can't live in this place and deal with the stuff I see on a daily basis without my Lord giving me strength and showing me that there is hope.

Childhood memories. Think about it. Think back to your life when you were just a kid. Think about what you were faced with. Is it the kind of crap kids in the inner-city deal with? I hope not. I'm not asking for much, yeah, I'd love for all of you to go and start tutoring or mentoring an under-privledged youth, but I know thats not everyone's heart. But I am asking for you to pray, to pray for me and Breakthrough. To pray for my beautiful and talented children. I am asking you to when you go to vote, think about education policies and gun control. I am asking you to try to get involved in helping others to see that there are a lot of people out there that are less fortunate than you just because of where they were born. I am asking you to be a person of action. A person who has a heart for justice. Jesus was. And I hope you are too...

God bless you all!

STL

2008-09-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Went to St. Louis this weekend and had a blast! Here's a pic of us at a coffee shop:

God bless you all!

My 3rd...and last...apartment!

2008-09-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

So here is my 3rd apartment and hopefully my last in Chicago...I live with Andrea and Valeri and so far, so good! It's 4 bdrms, 1 bath and has a huge back yard. Oh, and it's right down the street from my work! So, what do you think?

thoughts...

2008-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Soccer! It has started up again. Today was our first official practice. Oh and what a way to start! We had one child pee on herself, two others bloodied, and many more get in "fights." To top it all off, it drizzled/rained the entire time!

Program. Our first week has officially ended. And what a "HISTORIC" first week it was. It is our 8th year of the Nettie Bailey Student Achievement Program. And, this first week has been great. Of course, things are different...but i'm learning slowly that change can be a good thing.

Letting Go. Sometimes, we just can't. This is in particular to some of our 9th graders. One of whom has shown up everyday just to hang out and get help with her homework. She was in our program for 6 or 7 years, so I really just think she doesn't even know what to do without coming here anymore. I see her face as she walks in, she comes over to me...laughing and telling me something that happened at school...or walks over and says that high school is just too hard and she needs help with her algebra homework...and it always makes me look over at my co-workers and wink. Cuz, of course, I want her to grow up and become this woman that I know she is capable of becoming, but a part of me loves that she just can't let go yet...

Jesus. He's a pretty cool dude. I love that verse in Romans 8, for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Sometimes I need that. When I mess up and I wonder, how could Jesus ever love someone like me, I'm reminded it's not by what I do but by his mercy and his grace that I am forgiven and loved. I look at my children and I want to reflect this to them by my actions, yet sometimes I just get irritated or annoyed and I just want to yell. Then two things come into my mind...proverbs 15:1: a gentle answer turns away wrath. and the other is...they were made in God's image, so when I look at them...I should see God's image in them...I should desire to see what God sees in them, not what I see. Jesus, gosh, his love for us incredible and unbelievable and I so desire to know him more and to "clothe myself" with Jesus so that all these children will see how awesome this Jesus is.

Moving. I never want to move again! We have officially moved in and the place looks great! I will get a video soon to show everyone. We are still trying to put our stove in, apparently we have the wrong "connector" for it, so we'll see what happens. I have loved it so far, my roommates are great, and I'm so blessed to be so close to work!

Hurricanes! YUCK! I have been trying to watch the news as much as possible, hoping that hurricane ike doesn't do near as much damage as all are predicting, but it looks like it's already getting pretty bad. I pray for the safety of those who decided to stay and for the homes of all that live in the main path of ike. Oh, and the gas hike kinda sucks, I mean we already have the highest gas prices in America...now it's going up even higher! Not cool...not cool at all

Finally. I'm done all. It's past my bedtime, and well, i'm running out of things to say. I will say that I love you all. Yes, I do. Oh, and Jesus loves you too...continue to pray! I'm so thankful for prayer warriors like you all who are always praying for me and for my kids!

God bless you all!

Legacy

2008-09-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the funeral of the father of one of my 14 year old girls at our program. Her dad had been fighting brain cancer for awhile so his passing away was a little bit expected. Although it was expected, this didn't make things any easier. My heart broke as I saw her mother break down a number of times and as I saw the young lady try to seem strong but you could tell it was tearing her up inside. She is very dear to me, we've been through a lot over the past year, and well, although I had never met her dad, I still cried as I seen the pain in her face and the sadness all around her.

It's funny how you start to think hard about things at the most random times. Like last night. As I sat there and listened to countless people talk about this man...it amazed me at the legacy he was leaving. They talked about how good a father and husband he was. About the godly man he had become and how when he was dying, he did not want anyone feeling sorry for him. And I found myself wishing that I had known him, I found myself questioning why when alot of my kids don't have "present" fathers or even fathers at all, how he could be taken away when he was such a good father to this young lady. I know God is just and he is merciful so it just makes me wonder, why things happen the way they do. I guess thats where faith and trust comes in. Trusting that God knows much better than me and having the faith to believe that all will work for his good. But it doesn't mean I don't hate it for her and hate death and sin. Cuz I sure do.

Anyways, back to my lesson I learned. I was thinking a lot about legacy. How these people talked about this man and how 3 things stuck out to me...he was a good father, a good husband, and a godly man. His wife, his daughters, his son, and his friends, this is what they will remember about him. And it made me think...what will my legacy be? Now, I don't think (or hope not) that I'll be dying anytime soon, but it does raise the question, if I were to die or when I die, how will people remember me? Will they remember me as a Godly person? A woman who lived for the Lord and not for the world? What will my legacy be?

Isn't this an interesting question? You look at your life, how you treat your friends, your parents, your co-workers, ect, and you think how am I treating them? How is my life being an impact on their lives? Isn't that what God calls us to do? Impact others for the glory of his kingdom?

I always ask the kids, how are you influencing others? Are you being a leader or a follower? Are you being a positive or negative influence? I ask them that but I never ask myself that? Am I influencing people in a positive or negative way? Not just my kids, but my co-workers...my friends...my family.

Anyways, just something to think about. I would love it if you could pray for this young lady and her family as she is going through a rough time. But yeah...what is your legacy? If you were to die right now (not trying to be morbid or anything) what would people remember about you? How would they describe you? Think about it...

God bless you all!!!

Action

2008-08-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

I sometimes forget that no action is action. I feel as though God calls us to be people of action...my favorite verse says this very simple thing: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with ACTION and in truth."

What does it mean to love with action? To love in truth? (Comment this and tell me what you think it means)

Lately I've had to deal with the cold hard fact that you can make a completely right decision and someone is still going to be upset about it. Now, don't get me wrong, I've dealt with that one many many times in my life, but these last few days...these decisions (right as they may be) will effect people's lives, forever. Its hard because the consequences you may be able to see but the other person or persons' can't.

Which leads back to the question of action. Jesus, before he was taken up in the sky made the comment to his disciples: 'you shall do even greater things than these.' (these meaning miracles and the like)

I sit here and I wonder, how could Jesus say I shall do even greater things than miracles? I look at my beautiful, talented, and creative children. I look at some of their lives that are increasingly getting worse and I wonder...how do I take action? Act justly, Love mercy, and Walk humbly. How do I act justly? How do I love mercy? How do I walk humbly when I see this child changing because of the enviornment around her?

Action. Taking action. Loving with action and truth. Can I just sit here? How am I, a 24 year old girl, supposed to take action in this big great city and world?

I am just one....yet I am one.

I call on my Jesus for action. I call on him and admit that I am weak, I am small and I know nothing. But in that nothingness comes something that Jesus is waiting for...submission.

I submit to the God of the universe. To the creator of the world and to the abba of all of us. I submit and I ask that he would move me to action, that he would guard me with a plan, and that his strength would be my strength and his will be my will. I submit to acting justly, to loving mercy, and to walking humbly...regardless of how this person or that person may react. I ask that God would teach me how to love with ACTIONS and in TRUTH.

ACT justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly.

God bless you all and may God move all of us to act on the behalf of those who can't.

Craziness

2008-08-28T17:42:00.001-07:00

Craziness is the title of my newest blog post. The reason I chose this title is because for the past 4 weeks, I have been to a different state every week. Aka, i've been ridiculously busy.

The first week, I went on a much needed "mini-vacation" to the Warren Dunes in Michigan with a couple of my friends. We were there from Fri-Sun and just had a blast hanging out on the beach and sleeping in tents.

The next week I went to Camp Timberlee in Wisconsin. (see previous post for more information).

Last week, I was blessed to get to go to Arkansas to see my family. It was so great to see all of my family. My nieces have both grown so much, so I spent as much time as I could with them. I also got to see my "group" from high school during a baby shower for an old friend. Sometimes you forget how much you need to stay in touch with people you grew up with. Those old friends helped me through my formititve high school years and I love all of them. I also got to go hiking and fourwheeling, two things I never get to do in the city. I was only home for a week, but I really wish it could have been longer. (Although i felt like i gained 10 pounds from all the wonderful food my mom cooked me)!

Finally, this week I went back to Wisconsin for another camp. This camp was Camp Dawan, a camp for High School students. We had 20 kids and had an absolute blast. I really enjoy being with high schoolers because you can have deep conversations with them. For example, one night I had an almost 2 hour conversation with one student and an hour conversation with another student.

I think the best thing about Camp Dawan was seeing 16, 17 year old young women and men who LOVE the Lord and really were seeking to learn and grow in him. I was sitting there one night listening to the speaker and just started looking around the room. It was so wonderful to see the students really engaged and listening to her.

It's so encouraging to see teenagers living in this place who are really living for the Lord. It reminds me that what i'm doing here is not in vain. I sat up with one student till 2 in the morning listening to her story. I have grown close to her and her sisters over the past year, but I still was broken to hear some of the stories of her past. She talked of how hard it is to grow up without a father or a mother. She talked of how hard it is to hear from people how she was nothing and she would never be anything and how alone she feels at times. And we sat there and we talked about how she wasn't alone. How God not only lives inside of her but also how He has given her people in her life that love her and that love the Lord. We talked about how her identity is in Christ, not in what others say she is. That she is a somebody because she is of the Lord.

And as i sat there, talking and listening to her...I couldn't help but think of two things. Why? Why does God allow some kids to grow up in amazing homes with 2 loving parents and allow other kids, like her, to grow up with almost no one. I look at this beautiful, mature, loving young lady and it breaks my heart and makes me wonder why. The second thing I think is, after all she's been through...the days she spent as a 8 year old girl standing out in the rain cuz she was locked out of her house, listening to people tell her she's just gonna end up a druggie like her parents...ect, the thing I think is, after all of that, she isn't bitter...she is SAVED and God has given her the strength to overcome it all. I think, where would I be if I had lived a life like hers? Would I be living for the Lord like her? She, along with so many of my kids are young people whom I admire and am blessed to know and to get the opportunity to pour into and love everyday.

As I sit here tonight and think back over the week at Camp Dawan. I think back over the conversations I had, over the talks our wonderful speaker talked about and there is one thing that keeps coming back to me. Our speaker said these words and it really just resonated with me...she said, "understanding can wait; obedience can't."

I don't understand why things happen the way they do. Sometimes I don't understand why God asks me to do certain things...but I must obey. I must choose to be obedient to my father, no matter if I understand it or not. Because, obedience cannot wait, but understanding can. This young lady may not understand why God has placed her in a situation where she feels like running away everyday, but she must choose to be obedient to God and stay and continue to be a light to all those around her. I may not understand why God has called me to do certain things, but my obedience to God cannot wait.

Anyways, yeah. Craziness definitely explains my last month. I am moving again...this Saturday. So for the 5th time in 4 weeks, I will be packing once again. Please pray for me that God continues to double my rest and to strengthen me as I am feeling very drained and tired. School starts soon for my students so please pray for them to start off the school year with a bang and pray for their teachers to enjoy teaching these students and realize how amazing and talented they really are. Pray for our high school students as they enter back into the hallways of their high schools that they would share the light of Christ and that they would find Godly friends who would encourage them throughout the year.

Oh, and please pray for a young lady in our program. Her father passed away last night from a long battle against cancer. This young lady holds a very special place in my heart and she loved her daddy very much. She is entering high school this year (9th grade) so I know she has already been stressed and nervous, now I know she must be a wreck. She is a very tough young lady who holds things in so please pray that she would find someone, anyone who she could confide in and that she would go to Jesus with her pain and find the strength to go on from Him.

God bless you all....

CAMP

2008-08-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

This week I went to a camp with my kids in Wisconsin. THANKFULLY I was in a cabin with our oldest girls (the youngest was 13), so it was a pretty stress free week. Although it was practically stress free, it was still beyond tiring!

We did everything from horseback riding (my favorite) to wall climbing and lots of volleyball (which i HATED cuz i SUCK at it!)...it was great getting to know my girls better and seeing a different side of them. As much fun as I had with them...I was so very very excited to get home and sleep in my own bed away from the hard mattress, kids screaming and mosquitos biting!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from Camp Timber-Lee 08:

Sunday I go HOME for a week!!!! YAY!

God bless you all!

TIME FLIES!

2008-08-06T16:15:00.001-07:00

Time really has flown by. I feel like yesterday was our first day of summer studies and here it is, the day before the last day of the program.

We went on our last field trip today. We went to Deep River Water Park. It was a ton of fun and every single kid loved it! I really enjoyed it because, well, they kids were in great moods. :)

Next week we go to camp for a week. I can not wait because I miss KAA so much. We are going to a camp called Camp Timber-lee in Wisconsin. I've heard its fun but not anything like KAA, so we'll see.

The week after that, I go to Arkansas to see my family for the first time in 6 months! WAHOO!!!! I can't wait!

Anyways, this summer has really worn me down. I keep getting cold sores because my immune system is a little weak right now, but it's been well worth it. This summer has been awesome! It's been a definite learning experience and I'm falling more more in love with this ministry.

Pray for me and the kids as we gear up to go to camp! Have a great weekend...God bless you all!

Art

2008-08-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

The kids have spent their last 4 weeks in art coming up with some murals to hang on the wall...groups of three or four got together and came up with a thing or idea they wanted to put across and then drew and painted murals...here are pics i took of them:

Not sure what this one is called...but it's basically what they see breakthrough is doing for the community...helping others...we help along the process of healing...

This one is called "The Sky's the limit" and my favorite part of this one is that the hands are all different colors...meaning the people are all different, yet everyone has can reach their dreams!

I wish I could have captured this one better...it's "Chicago's Skyline" yet they are also going up the stairs to heaven...I mainly liked it because they put so much detail into the city...it really looks like buildings with all the lights on!

I really liked this one too...it's called "Our Ideal Neighborhood" and it's basically a neighborhood that the kids would want...this group did the best job at painting too...they really took their time!

This one...well...the group had a tough time with. They had to repaint over it a couple of times...it's basically just a brick wall with a kid playing basketball...one of our co-workers said it symbolizes that the grass is always greener on the other side...i'm not sure what in the heck it symbolizes! lol

Last one...and personally, I think it's the most creative one. It's called "feelings" and basically, what this group's idea was to make a man with his mouth open...it's a storm and the rain drops are different colors...all symbolizing a different emotion, ex yellow meant happy, red mad...ect. And this man really has the righ to choose whatever emotion he wants...but yeah, I really liked the creativity of their idea!

That's it...just wanted to share with you their art!

God bless you all!

Rest...what is Rest?

2008-07-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here with one of our kids at the program. I can hear a couple of the girls yelling at each other about their "webkinz" pets in the computer lab. It's almost a comforting sound to me cuz I hear it so often. I'm writing a quick post because the girl sitting in my office is stuck. We can't get ahold of her mom, so we sit here, impatiently waiting for her so we both can leave. Which brings me back to the other girls, who are waiting on me...they are coming home with me after program.

Anymore, they take it upon themselves to come over and hang out any time they want. I tell them no, not tonight...and somehow they always manage to squeeze a ok, just a for a little while out of me. It's that whole boundaries thing that I keep trying to work on and it's just not working that well.

Rest...oh how I long for it! I realize how tiring and draining my job can be at times...yet, I know that I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I am blessed to love my job more than most. And, Im blessed because I am doing what God has called me to do, and like one of my favorite author's once said, there is no safer place to be than in a place doing God's will.

The phone just rang, the mom will be here in ten...I'll be leaving as soon as she gets here, leaving with 4 kids in tow. My back kinda aches and i'm sleepy as heck, but I thank God for another day...another moment to share his love with four beautiful children.

God bless you all.

Prayer

2008-07-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

Prayer. Definition: an act of communion with God or a reverent position made to God.

Martin Luther King Jr once said "to be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing."

Since moving to Chicago, I find myself praying more and more. Throughout the day, I am learning to be in constant prayer with Jesus, for I need his strength and patience more and more as I work with these beautiful children. Lately, there have been a few children that have really been struggling. Either with their own demons or their families' demons. It's rough to see children at the young age of 11, 12 years old having to deal with so much stuff on a daily basis. Although their strength amazes me, I know a lot of it is the fact that they have to be strong, or else they will quit life.

These children, they need your prayers. They are such wonderful kids, with hopes and dreams, desires and passions, just like all of us. Yet, they are facing things that are way out of their control. Things no one should ever have to face...so I ask you, no...I beg you to pray for them. Pray for God to work miracles in their lives, to protect and guide them, and to show them that they are not just their circumstances, but they are precious and valuable for they were made by and for God.

Also, pray for me. As the end of summer studies draws near, I would like to be as refreshed and excited as I was when summer studies first started. I don't want to check out these last couple of weeks.

I love you all. May God bless you richly and continue to guide you to do his will!

Nothingness

2008-07-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

"WHEN WE HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE, LET US GIVE HIM THAT NOTHINGNESS. LET US ALL REMAIN AS EMPTY AS POSSIBLE, SO THAT GOD CAN FILL US. EVEN GOD CANNOT FILL WHAT IS ALREADY FULL. GOD WON'T FORCE HIMSELF ON US. YOU ARE FILLING THE WORLD WITH THE LOVE GOD HAS GIVEN YOU."

MOTHER TERESA

2 in a day...WHOA

2008-07-19T15:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know I already posted today...but I wanted everyone to read this article....it reminds us all that poor miniorities are suffering greatly academically...check it out!

http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/06/23/parents-who-dont-parent/#more-1252

Failure

2008-07-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

There are some days when I walk away from work thinking, man did I totally fail today. I am one of those people who take their work home with them. I usually come home and I don't think about the good things that happened but I think about the times throughout the day that I could have done this or that better or at least differently. I think about the moment when I snapped at this kid or was quick to judge this other kid's motives or I should have done this instead of that. And I come home feeling almost like I have failed not only my kids but God as well.

Minstry is hard that way. Sometimes I think to myself, am I really doing all I can? Did I reflect Jesus when I was talking to this kid or disciplining that kid? Did my tone really reflect Jesus or did my attiude show Christ's love? How about when I did this or that?

And so often...I walk away thinking, man did I fail today! I am a very passionate and genuine person, so most of the time, I wear my feelings on the outside. I get home and I second guess every time I disciplined or child or how I treated this kid or that kid when something arose. And I sit and I think to myself at times...I failed to show Christ's love.

I have learned so much and I'm learning right now that this situation that is arising is because of two things. One, to show me, for the millionth time, that I can do NOTHING without Jesus. Since I have to be at work much earlier than I did in the school year, I've been less inclined to spend some time with God before work. Somedays I do and somedays I don't. But I've realized that I am nothing and I can do nothing without him. It doesn't matter how much people think I'm good with kids or how "great" of a worker I am, I can't do it without him. I learn the hard way somedays. I have to die daily to myself and ask him to guide my words, my thoughts, and my actions throughout everyday.

The second thing is pretty profound to me. I've learned that when I fail, it's the best time to go back and show these kids who Christ is. I need to let them see Christ's mercy and forgiveness. This is something more powerful than anything else I can show them. These kids need to see that I am a sinner and yet, Christ still loves me. I am a failure, yet Christ loves me and he loves them too. Jesus forgives all of our sins, no matter how many times I mess up. I need to let my kids see me with a broken heart and hear me say that my sins are forgiven. My kids mainly absorb that christianity is a list of dos and don'ts but they need to see that Christianity is living for a God who forgives our sins, no matter what, and knowing that he will forgive theirs as well. They need to see that we Christians mess up but then we can come back and say, forgive me because I messed up...and praise God that he has forgiven me as well!

Yes, I fail. Yes, I am definitely not perfect. Yet, God tells us over and over again that he is with us and nothing can make him stop loving us and he will always forgive. He even goes so far as to tell us that when we are weak, then he is strong. When I am weak because I just can't do it...that's when he is with us the most. When we recognize that we are nothing and that we can do nothing without him, this is when our kids will take notice. My kids don't want to know another thing they have to do or know another thing they can't do...they need to know that they are loved, despite it all and that they were made for something greater than theirselves.

So, next time I fail...next time I know i've just screwed up big time with them...I will go to them with a broken heart and tell them about how even though I've messed up, Jesus loves me just as much as before. And how he has forgiven me and that if I can be a Christ-follower as often as I screw up, then anyone...even them...can be too.

I know i'm probably not the best to give advice, but I will anyways lol. I've learned something about being someone that youth look up to for guidance and so I tell you as a person who loves God more than anything else in the world and who desires to show that to my kids... If you mess up, don't be afraid to go to your kids or to your family/friends or whoever it is and tell them about the greatest gift in the world...God's mercy and forgiveness...I will...for I am a clear example of how God can love the worst of sinners.

God Bless you all!

Goofy Faces

2008-07-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

A normal day at Breakthrough :)

God bless you all!

Field Trips

2008-07-11T16:13:00.001-07:00

Every week we take our group on a field trip. Val, Seth, and I spent many hours debating on where to go. Because our group is the oldest, we wanted to take them to fun places, of course, but more importantly places where they can learn as well. This week, we had the pleasure of taking them to a college.

We took them to North Park University located on the northside of Chicago. It's a small college, like most colleges in Chicago, but beautiful nonetheless. I was a little nervous about taking them to a college, thinking they might think it was boring and stupid, but they loved it! There were a few, of course, that were bored but mainly because they chose to be. We first went to their main building and talked to a guidance counselor. She talked about what to do before entering college (study, change your email address from sexybaby101@yahoo.com to something more appropriate, lol, and other things) and then we talked about the school and the different majors they offered. After that, we went on a tour. The students loved the tour! They got to sit in real classrooms, go to their gym, their health facility, and other things. The only thing we didn't get to do is see a dorm room. One of our boys even got to meet their basketball coach (he told him to GROW lol).

By the end of the day, most of the kids had decided they were going to some day go to college there! I left thinking, wow.

I was so glad we picked a college. These students, they really need to see what college looks like. They need to know what they need to do to get into college and just as important-that they can go to college. I really really thought, this makes a difference. How many kids in our neighborhood at 13, 14 years old have visited a college? How many know what a "degree" is and that there are scholarships out there for them? Our kids know this now! And, I left the university thanking God for the opportunity to be a part of something bigger than myself.

And, I hope thats what life here for me in Chicago is about. The moment I start thinking about myself, thats the moment I get tripped up. I sometimes complain about how little money I have or I'll think about how much I miss my nieces...but I am reminded that the day I chose Jesus, was the day that I died to myself. Moving to Chicago and living here, in the 'hood and working with urban youth, i'm picking up my cross...sometimes it feels heavier than other days, but thats why Jesus is always there to help me carry it.

God bless you all! I pray that you, wherever you are find something that you can be a part of that is bigger than yourselves. I think thats just what this world needs a little more of...

Smile for the Camera :)

2008-07-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

As we enter the 3rd week of summer studies...I thought i'd share a few pictures i've taken over the past week...hope you enjoy!

They growin up!

Eatin ice cream...like always ;)

Ducez! Doesn't she have the most beautiful smile?

Lol...too cool to smile :)

God bless you all! Hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July!

Good Lame

2008-07-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

Here's how a conversation went today with me and 2 other girls on our field trip:

G1: Shasta, you a lame
Me: Um...okay
G2: Well, maybe but she's a good lame
G1: Whatever...she's still lame
G2: Yeah, but still...it's a good lame...she cool

Yep...so, it may not be much of a compliment, but i'll take it! :)

Summer Studies

2008-06-30T15:13:00.000-07:00

Summer studies is now in full force. It officially started last week, which means me getting up early, which have yet to get used to since I didn't have to be at work till 10 for so many months. Now, I have to be at work by 8:00, the kids start showing up at 8:45.

My favorite part of the day is probably freetime. We go out back and I mainly play basketball with the older kids. I really enjoy this because it not only gives me a little exercise, but lets just be honest...I love basketball! I also just enjoy being with the older kids. They crack me up and definitely keep me on my toes!

I realized the last couple of days how much I truly enjoy having the kids all day. It's been great just getting to see their different attitudes in the summer. They are so much happier here than they were during the school year. I guess mainly cuz they go to school all day and then would come to our program for another 3 hours. That makes for a long and stressful day for them.

I have another theory as well. It's Summer. Summer makes people happier. Well, at least it does me. One time Chantel (my KAA director) asked our bible study how we worship God the best. When it came to me, I immediately knew the answer. Being outside. Oh! How I love to be outside. Sometimes, I just love to walk and pray. I just love to see God's creation. To see the trees and the blue skies. Or to see the stars out at night. I truly believe God created all of this for us to enjoy. And there is almost no way better than to put me out in the middle of a forest or overlooking beautiful green pastures, etc. to bring me to a place of worship with God.

I am reminded of a quote that came out of this book, Ragamuffin Gospel. In it, the author, Brennan Manning says this:

"For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is gift. All that is good is ours, not by right, but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God….we have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it. We are all, equally, privileged but unventilated beggars at the door of God’s mercy."

All is a gift. Not just the money we have in our pockets or the clothes on our back, but also the blue skies we see when we walk out in the mornings or the slight breeze we feel during freetime out back...all of this is a gift. All that is good is ours, not by right, but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. A God that loved me enough to make ladybugs...just cuz he knew I would love them. He love me enough to have birds chirp because he knew I'd love the sound of birds singing in the morning.

God is good. Summer is good. Summer studies is good. I am enjoying the warm weather, the long laughter filled days, and the constant reminder of God's grace as I walk outside.

Old pic of me, my dad, and Brandon after hiking...

(I miss those days!)

God bless you all!

Random Thoughts

2008-06-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

I really, really need a tan. My legs are so white, they blind people when I wear shorts...oh how a vacation to Florida or Tahiti would just hit the spot ;)

Tomorrow starts our summer program, I am teaching the "Tech Class." I'm not going to lie...i'm a little nervous! I really want it to be something the kids enjoy...or at least don't hate. I'm excited tho because it'll be the first time i've seen some of them since our school program ended!

Yesterday we had our block party. It was the grand opening celebration of the new men's center and we had food, games, music, and tours of our new facility. It was so great. We had a really nice turnout, lots of people and of course, a ton of kids. The youth staff was in charge of mainly the jumping house thingie. It was a hit with the kids...young and old. We had a couple of different volunteer groups help too, so they were giving out a lot of prizes and tons and tons of candy. It was great, though, and I had 2 kids come up to me at the end of the day...one of them said "This is the best day of my life!" (6th grader) and the other, an 8th grader, said "This is definitely the best and funnest block party I've ever been to." It made me smile!

Oh, and my across the street neighbors came and hung out at the block party all day. It was great because i've been praying for awhile now on how to get their kids (there are about 10-12 living in the house) involved in some way with breakthrough or at least let them realize there is a place like ours right down the street!

Hmm...more random thoughts, i've got to go to court on Tuesday...pray that everything works out and I don't have to pay a large fine!

I miss some people. Sometimes it hits me pretty hard. I'll see pictures of my nieces and it'll just strike me how much I miss them...or I'll hear a person's voice and it'll just bring tears to my eyes as I think about how long it's been. Or since most of my friends are from around here or at least in this part of the country, they have friends that live within driving distance...and sometimes I just think, i'm so jealous! Don't get me wrong, i'm glad i'm here. I'm so thankful that God has called me to live here and work in this ministry, but sometimes I just ache for my family and friends. I mean, just really ache for them.

I really wish they could come up and see me. Sometimes I think that if they could just see what i'm doing, if they could just meet my co-workers, my kids, my neighbors...then they'd "get it". I don't know...I guess I just want my friends and family to see my life. I feel so disconnected at times (maybe it's because I have no facebook lol) but yeah...I do.

OH, But...I can't wait...my best friend Sara will be coming in August! YAYAYAYAYAY!

Thats about it...I was sitting here bored on Sunday, making a couple of lesson plans for work and I thought i'd write some of my thoughts down. Hope you all have a great Sunday!

God bless you all!

Game Tonight

2008-06-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight we had a softball game. We played against the pirates. I was glad because although we had lost to them before, I really thought we had a chance against them. So far we had won only one game-by forfeit.

Here's a little background on our team. We have girls grades 3rd-7th. Back that up, 1 7th grader, 1 3rd grader...the rest are mainly 4th and 5th graders. NONE, let me repeat, NONE have ever played, so we would be what you would call, beginners. Anyways, we have 3 pitchers. One is great, on the verge of being amazing, one is good on the verge of being great, and the other is still working on being good. lol

Tonight, we mixed up the field a little bit and decided to let our pitcher who is still working on being good pitch. This girl is an amazing kid and definitely the leader on our team. Anyways, we batted first and surprisingly scored 3 runs. We were pysched! Our fielding is our problem most of the time, so i was still very like...we'll see. We got out there, and the other team started walking. Which, unfortunately is their M.O. Last time we played, they liked to walk. Well, one of our girls got mad and tried to walk off the field. So we replaced her with another player. Thankfully, our pitcher was not deterred...she just kept on pitching. They ended up scoring 4 runs. So, down by one...2nd inning. We get up to bat...and we score one run. 4-4. They got up to bat, walked a few more in and score 2. 6-4. I grabbed the pitcher after the inning and I looked at her and said, girl...you can do this. I know you can. Don't dare get your head down, I want you to do this...I want you to show them you can pitch to them. Andrea walked over to me and asked me if we should take her out, I said, lets let her pitch one more inning...it won't hurt too much and plus, I think she's coming around. We batted...scored 2 runs! 6-6. They get up to bat (3rd inning). I'm secretly hoping the girl won't make me eat my words about me letting her stay in. And let me tell ya...she struck 3 consecutive batters out. No, i'm serious. She did! It was a great moment!

4th Inning, we are tied. Our girls get up to bat...we score one run. I was finally starting to realize, we may have a shot at this game! 3 outs and we are back on the field. Our best pitcher is now in the game. I walk out to her...tell her that she's got this and pray that she doesn't lose her cool. She didn't, striking 2 girls out and our first baseman made a great play to get the third out! We are WINNING 7-6!!!! 5th and final inning...we get out there and bat...first girl, strike out. Second girl walk. 3rd girl hit and all of a sudden, we've got 2 girls on base with one out. 4th batter, strike out. Then next batter...hit and and...we score! 8-6!!!! Next batter, another out. So, going into the bottom of the 5th...all we gotta do is get 3 outs.

Whew, were they feeling the pressure...I could see them getting antsy and excited but at the same time, scared to death! lol 1st batter up...walk. 2nd batter up...walk. 3rd batter up hits a little blooper to our 2nd baseman...bad throw...they score! 8-7. Next batter up...i'm just freaking out. I'm thinking the girls are too...she strikes out! Next batter...hits it to first, another out! 2 outs, we're up by one...next batter....hits it and they score again. 8-8. OMG, by now i'm like thinking my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Next batter...strike out!

The girls are screaming...we are pulling them over, telling them we didn't win yet...we gotta play another inning cuz it's a tie. So here we go again! We are batting. Our first batter gets up. I'm excited cuz we are in an okay part of our line up...i'm thinking, we may actually score a run or two. The first batter hits it to second...bad throw to first, she rounds first heads to second...and then another bad throw so she's headed to third...i'm yelling at her to stop (being the 3rd base coach) she keeps running! They throw it home...she's running....and they drop the ball! HOMERUN! 9-8 US! YAYYYYY! Next batter up...gets a good hit, we get on base...next batter strikes out. 1 out, 1 on. The next two batters get up and get hits. We have a man on 1st and 2nd. I'm getting pumped. Then walks one of our, um...not so good hitters...I was like, oh no! But BLAM! She hits it...they pick it up our girls are running as hard as they can, the girl who hit it gets out but manages to hit one girl in! 10-8 us! And, we have a girl on 3rd! Next girl up, walk...next girl up...another hit! WE SCORE AGAIN!!! 11-8 us! Then, unfortunately the next girl strikes out.

Bottom of the 6th. I'm thinking, I can't breathe! First batter up. I tell our pitcher, now is the time to be MENTALLY tough. Lets go, you can do it! She pitches, the girl swings and a hit! In the air, our short stop makes a brillant play and catches it! The crowd is screaming, well...the coaches and one parent cuz thats all that came...but still we were screaming. Next up, a walk. I'm like oh my goodness I can't watch, I can't watch! Next girl up. Now, I'm thinking in my head, this girl can hit but I still wasn't really thinking she would get a good one...I promise, this girl belts it over our center fielder all the way on the other field! HOMERUN...they score 2. 11-10. 1 out. i'm thinking, it's over...there is no way...they gonna win. I'm just upset thinking how devastated they would be after the game. The next girl gets up...walk. Next one...strike out! 2 outs, 1 on base. Next girl gets up...another walk. I'm standing there...thinking omg if they don't start swingning th bat!

Next girl...first pitch SWING and a miss! 1 strike 0 balls. I look over at Andrea, she is standing there, arms crossed face beat red cuz she is so nervous. I glance at Kim, she is literally on her knees begging our pitcher to strike her out. Our other coach, Kalsky is standing there cheering our pitcher on. I'm standing there heart beating out of my chest, literally praying for a miracle. Next pitch...ball. 1 strike, 1 ball. Next pitch, strike 2!!!!! Our girls are screaming, I'm wanting to scream...and our pitcher is standing there, trying to stay calm, cool and collected. Next pitch....a SWING and a MISS!!!!!!! WE WIN WE WIN WE WIN WE WIN!!!!

So, yeah...thats how our first win went down. Sorry I went into so much detail, but 3 years from now...I want to remember every moment...from our 2 pitchers, stepping it up and putting on the best performance ever to our girl who can't really hit the ball getting a legitimate RBI to our shortstop making the great catch...I loved it!!!!

Go DIAMONDBACKS ;)

God bless you all!

Celtics WIN!

2008-06-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

See I almost always go for the underdogs. I have spent many years cheering for those "cinderella teams." Many, many years of heartbreak were felt as I watched my favorite team the Utah Jazz get beat year after year against the Bulls. I still today remain totally and completely against the Bulls (sorry Chicago) and I am still a die hard fan of Utah.

Once I got into college, I became a huge fan of NCAA basketball and well, decided that the NBA was just a bunch of show boats, no defense...everyone out there to score as many as they can. These past couple of years, I haven't really watched much. And then this year came. And this little team called the Celtics who had the worst record in the NBA last year, started winning. And, I began to cheer for the likes of PJ Brown, Sam Cassell and Ray Allen. I wanted Paul Pierce to win after staying with Boston all these years, and then of course...there's alsoone of the most talented players in the NBA: Kevin Garnett! As I began to watch the NBA finals...I was amazed at the thing I expected the least to happen...actually happen. DEFENSE. Boston played defense. And not just any defense...the hustling your butt off, going after every loose ball, in your face kind of defense that WINS championships.

And tonight...after a 22 year absence, the Boston Celtics won their 17th championship! And ya know...I told my roommate as we watched these "athletes" crying and jumping for joy, I said, thats what its about. Seeing teams like these win...seeing the underdogs, the "cinderella teams", the players who have been in the NBA for YEARS finally win a championship. I'm not going to lie...it brought a couple of tears to my eyes! lol

So, with all that said...Way to Go Celtics! The dream came true tonight! And yeah...

The headline of one of the papers reads..."Celtics Easy to Admire, Hard to Hate"

God bless you all!

Future Plans

2008-06-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks, I have been debating whether or not I should and could stay at Breakthrough for the upcoming year. My contract doesn't actually end until September but AmeriCorps needed to know by last week (which I extended another week to decide) whether I would do another year or not. As I prayed about it, I was conflicted mainly because I miss my family and yet at the same time, I knew that God was asking me to stay here. There were a host of reasons why I should and shouldn't stay but when it came down to it, I really felt like God was not through with me here. I'm not sure if he is not through using me here or through changing me here. Lol Seriously, I've grown and learned so much in this year that I can't imagine how much more God is going to teach me!

So, with all that said, a mix of happiness and sadness has overtaken me. Yes, I'm extremely happy because I get to spend another year serving my wonderful kids. I truly feel like you can't build lasting relationships in such a short period as a year. These kids have so many people in and out of their lives that I just don't want to be one of them. I'm also happy because I enjoy Chicago. Living in a big city gives me many opprotunities to see things I've never seen before as well as begin to understand many different cultures and lifestyles. It's great. The sadness part of me is the simple fact that I miss my family. I don't really care about the money because well, I'm not in this for the money. I'm definitely not living my life to make money...so that ended up being not a factor once I realized I would still be able to pay my bills. The factor that makes me sad is I think about my beautiful nieces. Kyleigh is 2 and Emma is 3 months old. They are both the most wonderful nieces anyone could ask for. And, it breaks my heart to know that I can't go pick up Kyleigh and take her to the park or just hold Emma for hours and watch her smile. It makes me sad to know my mom and dad had to celebrate mothers and fathers day without me. It makes me sad to know that my bro and bethany bought their first house and i couldn't be there to see it...and it makes me sad to know that the only way i can talk to my best friend in this world, my sister, is through the phone. i can go on and on, about how much i miss my mamaw, my aunts and uncles, my nuckleheaded cousin nicole or my other wonderful cousins...but i won't because i'm starting to get a little teary eyed. so, yeah, this decision that i made...it was definitely a difficult one. in the end, though, i realized that serving god is most important to me. and so i'll stay here. happily but with a twinge of saddness.

i'm excited about this summer. i'm relieved that i know where i'll be for at least another year. it's great to be able to look at my kids and truthfully tell them i'm not going anywhere, at least for awhile.

i love you all. i'm thankful for God's providence in my life. I'm thankful for family that i love so much that i truly miss them! i'm thankful that i also love my job, though, and that god has given me such a passion for working and pouring into the lives of these children.

if you have any questions...comments...about my decision, feel free to email me (sbcole04@gmail.com) or leave a comment on this silly thing.

God bless you all!

Oh how Frustrating it is!

2008-06-10T20:51:00.001-07:00

I am so frustrated! You know, you'd think after I deal with the same stuff after awhile, I'd be used to it! But I still get so SO SO mad when I hear about some boy wanting to have sex with one of my girls. This kid, she means absolutely the world to me. She is my favorite kid I've ever met in my entire life...I've known her for a few years now and I've just enjoyed watching her grown up into the young Godly lady she is becoming. Lately, she has been tellin me that this boy is wanting to have sex with her. You want to know his reason? He wants to be the boy she gives her virginity to. I'm just like...what in the heck kind of bullcrap is that? She of course, told him she was definitely not ready and that now, he was nothing to her...she didn't want anything to do with him. I had to put the phone when she as telling me all about the situation and punch something. It makes me so mad. I just don't understand it...I can name off the top of my head at least 3 or 4 boys who have told her to her face that they were the boys she was gonna give her virginity to. I just, I just don't understand. I mean...what is wrong with these kids these days? I have my theories...starting with the fact that I drive home at almost 10 at night last night and what do I see? Around 30 young kids at the park hanging out! It's pitch black outside and they out there hanging out with their friends. WHAT? Why in the heck are they not bein told get your butt home as soon as those street lights come on?

I just get so frustrated and I think about the video I uploaded on my last post. About the two villages. There is certainly a village raising these children. And not the village that these children deserve. Sometimes my kids get mad at me. They say why you gotta be so hard on me or why you gotta do this...and I say, because I love you. And I expect more out of you. I am not gonna settle for what everyone else is saying is the norm. I WILL NOT. These kids DESERVE more than what people expect out of them. I told a child the other day, I love you too much to be cool. Yeah, I'm usually laughing and joking around with my kids...I sure as heck love them to death and i'll sit and laugh with them and play ball with them and take 'em out...but at the same time, you better believe when it comes to life, I will not play it cool with them. I will sit there and I will let them say crap all day if it means I'm doing my job by expecting more. Because if I don't expect more, then who will? If I don't say no, you will NOT act that way...then who will?

I'm on my soapbox tonight. I just get so frustrated because I love these kids so much. I know God wants more for their lives than ending up pregnant at a young age or ending up dropping out of school or whatever it may be. God wants them to know how valuable and loved they are. He wants them to know that they are MORE than what this village around them is telling them.

And I swear, I'd like to knock that boy out that said that to my girl. I just want to beat his butt and tell him that he better not talk to her ever again. But I won't. I'll do the best thing that he could ever need...I'll pray for him. And, I hope that someday he begins to understand the value of women and the real meaning of being a man. And i'll continue praying for my girl, that she'll continue being the young godly woman she is and that she can stand up to the pressures around her.

And I wonder...what can we do? Yes, there is 2 villages in this neighborhood but I know our village is much smaller than the other. But, I also know that we have something much more powerful than they do...and that something is the Holy Spirit living inside us. So, I will continue to do what God has called me to do...to love these kids to the point of being totally uncool and to push and desire more out of them.

I love 'em. Sometimes I don't understand why when i'm running 15 laps at 7:30 at night cuz their attitudes have been so stinky at the softball field.. but alas, I still love 'em and I will continue to. I know most people don't understand why I feel so passionately about what I do. I just know that everyday I wake up, somedays beaten down and completely tired but I wake up with a peace, knowing that I am doing exactly what God made me for...and that is something that no tiredness, no frustration, no nothing could ever come close to being compared to.

Pray for my kids...they need it so very much. Today we had our second softball game, they actually did pretty good hitting. We ended up losing but it was a close game. It was so awesome to see their smiles when they would make it to first base safely. They were as shocked as I was when they'd get a base hit! And as I would see Alesha or Lanier or Yakira smiling their huge grins because they got on base, I would think to myself...I wish your parents could see you now! And yet it makes me glad that at least Breakthrough is there. Wow, how amazing is Breakthrough? Just think about that...I got to see Lanier hit the ball for the first time EVER. I got to see Cheyenne strike her first person out. I got to see Jameisha catch her first fly ball and Alesha score her first run. Those are memories I will carry with me forever...I just wish that their familes could see them too.

Lovin life. Lovin these little rugrats. Lovin my job. Its nice to be able to say that, no matter how frustrated you are. God is good and I know that these kids are gonna see that...I know they gonna have a better future because God has put them in situations where they can see Christ in the flesh. And, ya know...thats pretty cool.

God bless you all!

Two Villages

2008-06-07T08:41:00.001-07:00

Here is a Video from "Breakthrough Stories"...I saw it on Arloa's blog a few days ago and it gave me chills...just reaffirms what i'm doing here!

God bless you all!

Politics...

2008-06-02T16:01:00.001-07:00

I have made it no secret that I am a fan of Barak Obama. I am not too political, yet this year I have really studied and read about Obama, Clinton, and McCain. I have recently picked up Obama's book-the Audacity of Hope. This book is a political one, less about his childhood life (like his first book-Dreams of my Father).

The content of his chapters range from values and politics to faith and race. Here is an excerpt of his chapter, Race, in which really struck a cord with me:

A man talking to Obama says this about the westside of Chicago (where I live):
"See these kids out here, they just don't care. Police don't scare 'em , jail doesn't scare 'em-more than half f the young guys out here already got a record. If the police pick up ten guys standing on the corner, another ten'll take their place in an hour. That's the thing that's changed...the attitude of these kids. You can't blame them, really, because most of them have nothing at home. Their mothers can't tell them nothing-a lot of these women are still children themselves. Father's in jail. Nobody around to guide the kids, keep them in school, teach them respect. So these boys just raise themselves, basically on the streets. That's all they know. The gang, that's their family. They don't see any jobs out here except the drug trade. Don't get me wrong, we've still got a lot of good families around here...not a lot of money necessarily, but doing their best to keep their kids out of trouble. But they're just too outnumbered. The longer they stay, the more they feel their kids are at risk. So the minute they get a chance, they move out. And that just leaves things worse. "

Obama goes on to talk about stories (teenage rap sheets, teachers dealing with students threats and obscenities, etc.) and then he says this...:

"There was a time, of course, when such deep intergenerational poverty could still shock a nation...Not anymore. Today the images of the so called underclass are ubiquitous, a permanent fixture in American popular culture-in film and TV, where they're the foil of choice for the forces of law and order; in rap music and videos, where the gansta life is glorified and mimicked by white and black teenagers alike; and on the nightly news, where the depredation to be found in the inner city always makes for good copy. Rather than evoke our sympathy, our familiarity with the lives of the black poor has bred spasm of fear and outright contempt. But mostly it's bred indifference. Black men filling our prisions, black children unable to read or caught in gangland shooting, the black homeless sleeping on grates and in the parks of our nation's capital-we take these things for granted, as part of the natural order, a tragic situation, or perhaps, but not one for which we are culpable, and certainly not something subject to change..."

I could write on and on about what he said in response to this...and maybe I will in latter posts. He has some great ideas on how to bring folks out of poverty. But as I read this book, I sit and realize what Mr. Obama is really about. He is about change...he is about hope. I pray that if he becomes our next president, he does change our country...for the good. I know he is very liberal in a lot of his beliefs...yet I also know that Obama desires a lot of changes that America is in dire need of.

I hope that I haven't offended any hard core conservatives that are Obama haters. If you have an opinion or question...send it my way, I'd love to hear why you are or aren't supporting him.

God bless you all!

(BTW, my feelings or political choices do not in any way represent the feelings/political choice of my employer...lol)

How are You?

2008-05-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

This is a question I have been asked lately by plenty of different people. Everyone from my family, to friends, to even a couple of kids. My answer simply is...I'm okay. Part of me believes this and the other part of me is saying, dude i'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other without tripping.

And you know, sometimes thats what faith is. Putting one foot in front of the other. Walking intent on not tripping. In Hebrews, faith is described as believing in the unseen. Fixing our eyes on this unseen and knowing that even when we are absolutely unfaithful, God alway is. Max Lucado once said, "He has shown that he never fails, though there is nothing but failure in us."

I have sat here these past few days...trying to understand and make sense of everything thats going on around me and in me. I know that when I look back on my experience here, I will be nothing but thankful for the trials I've went through. For through it all, God has and is teaching me so much about me and more importantly about Him.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. As I go out today...putting one foot in front of the other, that verse resonates in my heart. You, your joy Lord, is my strength. I will not rely on my own strength...cuz we all know how that turns out...but instead...I will look to you, I will fix my eyes on you, the author and perfector of my faith, and I will as Paul said, struggle with all YOUR energy, which so powerfully works in me.

Readers, you are all in my prayers. God is faithful, even when we are not...

God bless you all!

Warm Weather!

2008-05-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

At the insisting of my mother, I decided to write a quick post. I guess i've had a lot on my mind as of late and have been very busy, so I just haven't had the time nor the will to write. This past week was our last week of academic program (*tear). Although I was sad that the time has passed by so quickly, I was running on empty-so I was ready for a few days of relaxation and no kids. OMG, did that come out of my mouth? I know you are suprised but yes, even I desire a few days off. lol

It is Memorial Day weekend and it has turned out to be a very nice, relaxing one. Yesterday, a co-worker and I took our 3rd graders to the park, lunch, and a movie. Although we don't have the warm 80 degree weather Arkansas is getting, it has been nice, in upper 60s and lower 70s. I enjoyed being outside with the kids and laughing at them as they all tried their hand on the tire swing. We went and watched the movie speedracer...I wouldn't recommend it for anyone over the age of 10! lol

Today is Sunday. As I sat out on my deck (for like 3 hours!), I realized how much I've grown accustomed to and love the sounds of my neighborhood. Today, at any moment I could hear the ice cream truck's jingle, the 80s music playing as my neighbors barbequed in their backyard, the laughter of some of the neighborhood children playing basketball and riding their bikes past my house, and of course, the occasional police siren going by.

I grew up in the country...and when I say country, I mean country...my neighbors were cows! I never really knew what it was like to live in a neighborhood and although I do miss being able to just go outside and enjoy walking barefoot in the grass and not seeing concrete and houses everywhere I look...I love the sounds and the smells of the city.

Lately, I have been reminded that as Christians, God made us for community. I forget this sometimes because I am a very independent person and I really enjoy soldiarity at times. Yet, at other times, I yearn for friends and community...and I know I am "filled up" when I get to be around those whom I love.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I know for some that means time to sleep in and rest, while for others that means barbequing and being with others. I do hope, whatever your plans, you go out and enjoy the beautiful day...

God bless you all!

What happens in Bible Study...stays in Bible Study

2008-05-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today was the last bible study of the year, so we decided to have a party.

We ate Chipotle burritos and chips and played games like Name that Tune, Clothing Relay, Bobbing for Apples, and Food Relay. The kids really enjoyed it!

Hope you enjoy the pictures! And of course...the video :)

God bless you all!!!!!

the Diamondbacks

2008-05-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today was the official start of softball. Yes, I practically coach anything I can! Today we took the girls to "opening day." It was a pretty big deal, complete with Mayor Daley and a couple of former pro baseball players.

We had a ton of fun and the girls ended up playing a "semi-real" game. A high school team and our girls played together...and you know what? They did okay. A few players really impressed me. For example...Cheyenne, Jameisha, and Kanika can all hit the ball pretty solid, while Maia is definitely going to be our short stop (she had 3 outs in the game). I think the best thing about the scrimmage is that now, Andrea and I have a better idea of where we will position the girls.

Anyways, they got to wear their uniforms (the Diamondbacks) and I took a few pictures and even recorded a couple of videos of the girls batting. Here is a video of Iris batting (yes that is one of our girls dancing at first base lol)!

God bless you all!!!

Questions

2008-05-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just take a step back and look at your life?

Do you ever think...who is most important in your life?

What is most important in your life?

What am I holding on to that I just need to let go of?

What feeds my soul?

These are the questions that are resonating with me tonight...these are questions that I am asking myself to see where my priorities are....

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes-I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!" Job 19:25-27

God bless you all.

Ahh...the simplicity of kids' minds!

2008-05-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a young lady today. We got on the subject of how I never cook (Yes I am notorious for the blue box and boiling water). She always gripes at me for this and says i'm going to get fat eating out all the time (which is funny since I rarely have the money or opprotunity to eat out). And we joked back and forth about what is better for you (or more convenient!).

She then told me what she would do if she was president. She is a smart girl so i'm thinking...end the war...universal healthcare...more charter schools or something profound. Nope...what would she do?

a. cigaretes would be illegal. they wouldn't even be available anywhere.

b. restaurants would be so expensive, no one would be able to eat there.

lol. yes. those were her two things she will do when she is president. Ahh...the simplicity of kids' minds!

She does have a point tho...maybe people would be a whole lot healthier physically if no one smoked. For as a person w/a degree in the health field...i know that almost all ailments can be and are caused from smoking. And also, maybe more families would be intact. Why? Because they'd have to sit down together and eat dinner. They'd have to actually spend time together instead of running through the fast food line and eating in their cars while onto their next event/game/whatever.

Yes...simple answers to our country's problems...or is it? You be the judge :)

God bless you all!

Where there is darkness....light

2008-05-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

when there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand,

to be loved as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal.

-St. Franicis of Assisi

Community

2008-05-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

All over the news these past few weeks has been reports of robberies, shootings, and murders. And mainly, these crimes have been on the southside or the westside (where I live). I watch the news and read the paper and I think...do I really live here? I mean, I know I do but sometimes it shocks me that something went down two blocks away from my house. And yes, it does make me fearful at times for my safety (and at all times for the safety of my kids' and their families)...but at the same time, more than anything it gives me even more determination to stay here and fight this fight.

But, I want everyone out there to know, there are two sides to the 'hood (or ghetto as some call it). Yes, of course, there are plenty of kids in our neighborhood turning to violence and dropping out of school. Yes, there are gangs and drug-dealers and criminals. Yet, there is so much more in this neighborhood than the newspapers talk about.

Here's the stories people don't hear about...but what I see on a daily basis. See, where I live...it's a community. There are at least 4 parks within walking distance of my house. One right down the street from me. Kids are out there everyday after school playing basketball, swinging on swings...talking to their buddies. As I walk to work everyday, I see people out on their porches and washing their cars. They say hi and sometimes I stop to talk to them for a couple of minutes. On the way home from work, I see kids riding their bikes, jumping rope, and running around while the parents sit out on their porches and talk to the adults. See, where I live...it's a community.

See...the stories I want you to hear are not of violence or crimes...it's of love and helping each other out. Just this morning, I was outside...looking at my wipers. I had just bought some new ones and was trying to figure out how to put them on. My next door neighbor was walking out of his house when he saw me standing there. He asked me if I had put them on yet and I told him no, I was just trying to figure it out...he then came over looked at them for a second and within five minutes had put them on for me. Why? Because he is my neighbor...nothing more. I told him thank you and we talked for a couple of minutes and then I went inside. See...where I live, it's a community.

I was walking the other day back home from work, as I walked past the park down the street from my house...I saw some kids that I knew. They saw me and yelled my name and came running over to me. We stood there chatting, a few other kids coming over to say hi (that I didn't know) and then I gave them a couple of basketball pointers (they always playin ball) they laughed at me and I went on my way. See...where I live, it's a community.

I wish I could tell you the many times I've had random conversations with my neighbors as I walked down the street. I wish I could tell you about the only Starbucks around my home and how friendly the people are that work there. How about the lady at Walgreens? Whom I always have a conversation with. Or our post office lady? How I laugh at her as she is always dancing and always asks me if I know how to? And how last time I was in there...we talked about our neighborhood and how sad it was that so many of our youngsters are getting murdered. These are MY neighbors. These are the people who live in the 'hood. These are the people that are misunderstood and discriminated against. See...where I live, it's a community.

We hear about all these children dropping out of schools, kids murdering kids, gang members recruiting kids and selling drugs. Yet, we never hear about the kids who are perservering. Who have dreams and goals...who are making a difference, right in the middle of the ghetto. How about this one 16 year old girl? She is a leader in our program. Makes practically straight A's and values her education and teaches our kids to value it also. This girl works, takes care of her family, and still goes to school everyday. And yes, she is a product of our community. Or how about this one boy? Who struggles, but pushes through it all. Who desires to know the Lord and desires to live out his testimony. He doesn't have the best home life...actually, it's pretty sucky, yet he pushes on...goes to school...excels in sports...and is a leader for our kids. Or lets talk about the younger kids. How about the young girl who is so stinking creative and witty. This child, I've never seen someone who can come up with a joke about anything and everything. She may not be the best student, but I swear she tries so hard and she pushes herself to be the best she can be. These are the children I see everyday....these are the children that aren't recognized...yet should be. These are the youth that are in our community and who aren't going to be labeled...who are going to make a new label for inner-city kids.

Yes, there are a lot of bad things going on in our neighborhood. In the surrounding neighborhoods. But, there sure are a lot of great things going on too. There are a lot of people who aren't doing what they are supposed to...but there sure are a lot of good neighbors too. Yes, there are some kids in my 'hood that are making very poor decisions...but there are some strong kids too. There are some kids that despite all odds are pushing through everyday and are making a difference...one day at a time.

I hope as you read this...you realize that the inner-cities of Chicago isn't all bad. That there is much more to the west/southsides of Chicago than violence and crime. There are good neighbors and strong, excelling kids.

Now lets see some news stories on that :)

God bless you all!

Basketball...a game of life

2008-05-03T20:20:00.001-07:00

Ok. So I'm really tired, so if not all of this makes sense, sorry.

Today was the 7th and 8th grade basketball tournament. We were the fourth seed. It went like this: 1st Green, 2nd Brown, 3rd Orange, 4th Blue (Us), 5th Maroon, and 6th Yellow (dropped out before tourney).

We got picked to play the orange team first game. We played our hearts out. For the first time in four weeks...they played as a team and worked together. We ended up winning by five in overtime. It was a great moment for our kids. They were overly excited. Then came the bad news...we had to play back to back to the best team in the league...green. Our 3 best players were exhausted and rightly so. Yet, we still had a glimmer of hope...

The second game started. For the first five minutes...we played with them. After that, though, it went downhill. The green team is very lazy so, we were trying to push the tempo but our kids were tired and well, a little intimidated by the team (they are much bigger and more athletic and had already beat us in the regular season by fourteen) so we were making a lot of turnovers. By halftime, we were down by around twenty points. Thats when things started getting ugly. Our kids are not known for keeping their cool. The week before they had almost gotten in a fist fight...with themselves. When we start losing, they lose their heads and catch an attitude quick. So, after two technicals, I took the two players causing the most trouble and sat 'em on the bench. I also pulled our three girls aside (yes we were the only team with any girls...much less three...and let me tell you, one of them could beat almost any guy out there) and told them that it didn't matter how all these boys were acting, they need to keep playing their game. So, I left those three in, one other boy (the only one who kept a good attitude the whole game...and the whole season for that matter) and our best player (who had gotten a technical but had calmed down and decided to play for real). And the others....well, I wasn't going to put them back in.

All this time tho, the ref had told me...if we get one more tech, the game was going to be called. So, me and our other coach were trying to coach while at the same time, holding back the kids on the bench. They were causing quite the ruckus. It didn't work so well. One of the boys (who already had one technical) wanted to go back in and was just making a huge spectacle of himself and grabbed his clothes...walked out onto the middle of the court (while the game was going on) and started dancing. Yes...dancing. Of course, a technical was called...the game was over (I was a little thankful too).

We ended up losing by almost forty points. Definitely not a way we wanted to end the season, but the thing is...basketball is so much more than winning and losing...much more than a sport. It is a life teaching tool. After the game...I sat all the players down (except for the one 'dancer' ha) and told them that I wasn't worried about their talent at all. Every single one of our players has the athleticism and talent to play at the next level. But, I told them none of them were ever going to make it very far because of their attitudes. It's not how you play or respond when everything is going good...it's how you respond and act when your backs are against the wall or when you're losing. Life isn't always going to be easy...you aren't always going to win at everything...they have to figure out how to lose without losing their cool. They have to understand that you have to push through when you are down and out.

See. To me, coaching is much more about these kids learning how to become young men and women than about basketball. Yeah, I'd love to see Shamesha make it all the way to college level, cuz she sure as heck is an amazing ball player right now. But, I'd rather her become a woman of integrity...and someone who makes something of herself. And, yes I'd love to see Cornelius and Kyree become the next Michael Beasly and Chris Douglas-Roberts...but I'd rather them become Godly men and the next "Dr. Kyree" and "CEO Cornelius".

Breakthrough basketball is much more than a sports league. It's a safe haven for kids to come and have fun and be surrounded by coaches and BT staff who care about them. It's a place to keep them off the streets and involved in something productive. And it's a place they can learn about life...and learn that it's losing not winning that really shows who you are.

I love it. I was blessed to be a part of this league. I have learned so much about coaching and about teenagers(lol) in one season. It's been quite a ride, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. And...we ended up getting 3rd place in the tournament...not exactly what we wanted...but...we've always got next year! ;)

God bless you all!

When Does it Stop?

2008-04-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks there has been an increase in violence across the city of Chicago. I live in East Garfield Park, which has one of the highest unemployment rates in the city. Police District 11, which is located a little bit south of us, has the highest per capita murder and violent crime rates.

I am a huge fan of statistics. I'm not sure why, but I am. Marshall High School is located about 1.5 miles away from the center. In 2007, the % of students meeting/exceeding state standards in reading? 7%. In math? 2%. That means 93% of students at Marshall High School are behind in reading and another 98% are behind in math. Now that's a statistic.

Here's another stat about Marshall High School...the average student misses 50 days of school per year. 50 days. FIFTY DAYS. 5-0.

As soon as the students walk in the doors, they are hit with metal detectors, grave-face police officers, and yelling teachers. In Marshall High School alone, there are said to be 15 active gangs. ACTIVE. 15.

And we wonder why our children are turning to violence?

This week, the violence hit pretty close to home. Octavius Daudridge, a father of 2 kids i've come to know in the neighborhood (one of which was on my basketball team) was shot and killed on Tuesday night. His sons that I know are 9 and 12.

Friday night, a young man in 8th grade, who is on one of Breakthrough's League basketball teams, got jumped. Apparently he was smashed in the head with a brick. Last time I heard, he was in critical condition at Mt. Sinai hospital and wasn't supposed to make it (We serve the God of impossibles, though, so i'm praying for a miracle).

As I looked into the eyes of Jarell and Antonio while they told me about the kid, I saw pain...pain that no 13 year old boys should ever have to go through. As I seen Rasheed (one of Octavius's sons) a couple of days ago and asked him how he was, he said ok, but I seen his eyes...I saw pain. Pain no 12 year old boy should ever have to go through. (Isaiah 41:28-31)

When does it stop? How does it stop? Does it start in the classrooms? Does it start with helping students actually meet state standards? Will that show them that education is the key to a better life? Will making education interesting to these students keep them away from gangs? Violence? Does is start at home? Does it start with parents making sure they know where their kids are at all times? Making them come in when it starts getting dark? Does it start with them teaching them morals? Does it start with Mayor Daley? Actually doing something besides talking? Does is start with him making a earlier curfew? Wait...he already did that. Does it start with the media? Does is start with people like Lil Wayne and Nelly actually telling people that violence is NOT the answer. Or at least not glorifying guns and revenge? Does it start with the media cracking down on rappers' and R&B artists' lyrics? How about the radio stations refusing to play certain songs? Does is start with Obama? Does it start with him pushing for stricter gun laws? Holding parents more accountable? Or does it start with us-the Church? Saying...enough is enough! Loving on the unlovable...giving students an alternative after school, so they aren't walking the streets and getting into all kinds of mess? Does it start with the Church acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly? Does is start with the church getting a little Holy Anger...enough that it MOVES them to do something besides just grumble and gripe about everything?

When does it stop? Who does it start with? Can we really blame our youth for turning to violence when it's all they see? Can we really blame our youth for turning to gangs, when its the only real family they have? Can we really blame our youth?

When does it stop?

"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humilty, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..." Colossians 3:12-15a

God bless you all. And again, God have mercy on our souls.

Please Read

2008-04-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to a NYTimes blog where Will Okun, a chicago public school teacher on the westside, (the school is about 5 blocks from us), talks about his struggles as a teacher in a failing school system. Please, please read this article...http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/04/25/the-mire/?ref=opinion

What do you think?