Whew! Done for a month!

Well, I am finally done with my class, Multicultural Issues in Human Services! Yay! Last post I mentioned that my final paper was to be on Gentrification. Well, I wasn't expecting it to be as difficult as it was but I am glad that I learned a lot more about it.

Anyways, a couple of you mentioned that you would like to know more about it. I can't paste my complete paper on here...15 typed pages would be a little too much, but I would like to share some of the major thoughts of the paper.

The biggest thing I learned is that gentrification and displacement are almost always synonymous. Unfortunately although good that it is rebuilding impoverished neighborhoods, those that have lived in the neighborhoods all their lives can't afford to stay and reap the benefits of these improvements. Here is a quote by Dywer:

“Transformation does not simply entail renovating and rebuilding, the issues at play are much more complicated than the simple progression from destruction to construction. New and refurbished buildings in urban areas do not arise in a vacuum. They are built on parcels of land where older buildings once stood, or they are remodeled for new and richer tenants. Most of the time the people who lived, worked, played and worshipped in those buildings are displaced.”

I believe that change is inevitable. Obviously, there definitely needs to be some changes made in poor communities. As with the case of my community, there are many old abandoned builidings and poor infrastructure. Yet, I believe that restoration of the community must not push out those that live here. Instead, it must be done in a way that dignifies and perserves the culture and history of this community. And any urban community for that matter.

Finally, most importantly I believe that God calls us to take care of and serve the poor. In fact, I think he mentions the poor over 300 times in the bible. John M. Perkins, the founder of Christian community development (if you haven't heard of him...look him up) had this to say about restoring at-risk communities:

The biblical vision for Christian community development is for people to be in loving fellowship with God and with one another as they toil in fruitful labor, which benefits their community of need. The family as a unit must be reinforced. Leadership for their needed common efforts comes from within their own community.


Here's the bottom line, do I think that gentrification needs to happen? Yes. But do I believe that it is happening in the right way? No. Yet, I do believe that it could be done in a way that dignifies and a way that does not displace people. And, I believe that it takes the church stepping up and realizing their part in community development and doing it together with their community.

Doing it together and doing it right.


What do you think?



God bless you all!

Happy Father's Day!

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of fathers in children's (and adults!) lives. I live in a neighborhood where most kids may know who their dad is but they really don't know them. Many of their fathers have struggled with not knowing their own fathers and in turn do not know how to be fathers so they become the same absent fathers that their own fathers were. I have seen children whom are growing into young men in desperate need of strong, Godly dads. I have seen young ladies who are growing up in desperate need of dads who will tell them their value does not come from how they look or act but from the inside. I truly believe that my neighborhood and most poor or desolate neighborhoods would be completely changed if only their families were restored and fathers would take responsibility and become the dads that God created them to be.

I say all that to say that I have become fully aware of how amazing my father is and how blessed I am to have someone like him in my life. See I know my dad loves me. He loves me not just because he says it, but his actions have always shown it as well. He loves me because he has always provided for me. He is the hardest working man I have ever met. And, because of that hard-work ethic, I in turn have learned that I must be a hard-worker. He loves me because he always spent time with me. Even now, every time I come home, he wants to spend time with me. I cannot tell you what it means to me to know that he wants to go hiking or floating. I know often I am super busy and I don't get to do all the things that he wants to do, but I do hope he knows that it means everything to me to know that he wants to do something in the first place. He love me because he disciplined me. Yes, I know crazy huh? Instead of sleeping in late, he wanted us to get up and pick up chickens. I am the person I am today because he and my mom took the time to discipline me. He loves me because he taught me about Jesus. We were Sunday morning, night and Wednesday night church goers when I was younger. But that wasn't all. He showed us who God was by his actions, by loving, caring, guiding, and teaching us.

I have always been kind of a daddy's girl. I think of my dad as my hero. For no matter what happens, I know that he will ALWAYS have my back. I know that no matter what I do, he'll always love me. He is the best man I know. I pray that someday I marry a man like him. A man that loves God, his wife, and his children more than anything else and puts them above his job or hobbies or anything else. My daddy is the best!

My prayer is that more children in this world will be able to experience the love of their earthly fathers. For those in my neighborhood who aren't able to experience that love, I pray daily that they would be able to realize and accept the love of our heavenly Father. Often kids think of "father" in a negative connotation, but I hope that they understand that there is a father that will NEVER forsake them and will love them unconditionally. Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Although not everyone is blessed to have such an amazing earthly dad as I have, they are blessed because each and everyone one of us have a Heavenly dad, and that dad is God and He desires a relationship and a fellowship with each of us! Praise you God!

And Dad, I love you! Thanks for everything you do for me! You are definitely the BEST!

God bless you all!

Franklin D. Roosevelt was the 32nd president of the U.S. He served from 1933-1945 during the Great Depression.


When elected for his second term, he stated this during his Inaugural Address:

“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."


My question to all you is this, How have we progressed? If we were to give this "test" a grade, what grade would you give our nation?



God bless you all!

Politics...

I have made it no secret that I am a fan of Barak Obama. I am not too political, yet this year I have really studied and read about Obama, Clinton, and McCain. I have recently picked up Obama's book-the Audacity of Hope. This book is a political one, less about his childhood life (like his first book-Dreams of my Father).

The content of his chapters range from values and politics to faith and race. Here is an excerpt of his chapter, Race, in which really struck a cord with me:

A man talking to Obama says this about the westside of Chicago (where I live):
"See these kids out here, they just don't care. Police don't scare 'em , jail doesn't scare 'em-more than half f the young guys out here already got a record. If the police pick up ten guys standing on the corner, another ten'll take their place in an hour. That's the thing that's changed...the attitude of these kids. You can't blame them, really, because most of them have nothing at home. Their mothers can't tell them nothing-a lot of these women are still children themselves. Father's in jail. Nobody around to guide the kids, keep them in school, teach them respect. So these boys just raise themselves, basically on the streets. That's all they know. The gang, that's their family. They don't see any jobs out here except the drug trade. Don't get me wrong, we've still got a lot of good families around here...not a lot of money necessarily, but doing their best to keep their kids out of trouble. But they're just too outnumbered. The longer they stay, the more they feel their kids are at risk. So the minute they get a chance, they move out. And that just leaves things worse. "

Obama goes on to talk about stories (teenage rap sheets, teachers dealing with students threats and obscenities, etc.) and then he says this...:

"There was a time, of course, when such deep intergenerational poverty could still shock a nation...Not anymore. Today the images of the so called underclass are ubiquitous, a permanent fixture in American popular culture-in film and TV, where they're the foil of choice for the forces of law and order; in rap music and videos, where the gansta life is glorified and mimicked by white and black teenagers alike; and on the nightly news, where the depredation to be found in the inner city always makes for good copy. Rather than evoke our sympathy, our familiarity with the lives of the black poor has bred spasm of fear and outright contempt. But mostly it's bred indifference. Black men filling our prisions, black children unable to read or caught in gangland shooting, the black homeless sleeping on grates and in the parks of our nation's capital-we take these things for granted, as part of the natural order, a tragic situation, or perhaps, but not one for which we are culpable, and certainly not something subject to change..."


I could write on and on about what he said in response to this...and maybe I will in latter posts. He has some great ideas on how to bring folks out of poverty. But as I read this book, I sit and realize what Mr. Obama is really about. He is about change...he is about hope. I pray that if he becomes our next president, he does change our country...for the good. I know he is very liberal in a lot of his beliefs...yet I also know that Obama desires a lot of changes that America is in dire need of.

I hope that I haven't offended any hard core conservatives that are Obama haters. If you have an opinion or question...send it my way, I'd love to hear why you are or aren't supporting him.


God bless you all!

(BTW, my feelings or political choices do not in any way represent the feelings/political choice of my employer...lol)

Please Read

Here is a link to a NYTimes blog where Will Okun, a chicago public school teacher on the westside, (the school is about 5 blocks from us), talks about his struggles as a teacher in a failing school system. Please, please read this article...http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/04/25/the-mire/?ref=opinion


What do you think?

Dehumanization

Today I was sitting here, browsing around on msn.com and I saw the "Week in Pictures" link and decided to click on it. If you have never seen this before, what happens is at the end of every week about 15-20 photos are selected from around the world to be put on the week in pictures section. At the end of the section is a place where you can vote for your favorite picture.

After looking at the pictures...I realized that we as a culture are becoming dehumanized. We go so far as to look past the humanity in the pictures and think, oh wow...this is a good shot. Does anyone see the devastation in picture 12? Do you see the humanity of that young man, bleeding to death? Or do you only see a casualty of war, the color of his skin, and the country he lives in? What about picture 15? Do you only see the way the shot is a perfect capture of shading and sunlight? Or do you see the world letting these young children suffer from starvation and malnutrition? Do you see the pain in the mother's eyes as she can't even take care of her own children? Or do you just see the photographer's eyes? And what about picture 13? Do you see the clarity and color of the picture? Or do you see the filth and trash these people live in? Do you feel a sense of injustice and anger when you look at this picture and see the unsanitary conditions that these children are forced to be surrounded by?

See...I could easily vote for the best picture. Yet, I don't understand how we as a culture can sit in our comfy chairs at home, drinking our bottled water, using our laptops and be okay with voting on the best picture. Shame on us for becoming a culture desensitized and dehumanized so much that we don't even care that these pictures are taken at the expense of seeing someone's pain and grief. Shame on us that we are a culture that when we see these kinds of things, we don't even bat an eye but we continue to live our lives, our comfy and selfish lives, and think...wow, now thats a great shot. God forgive us for not following your commands...to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. Forgive us Lord...forgive our nation....forgive our world.


God bless you all. (and Lord have mercy on our souls)

Frustration

18.

the number of Chicago public school students that have died this school year as a result of homicides.



8%

the number of Chicago public high school freshmen graduate from a four-year college by their mid-20s (YES, that is 8 percent)



55.1%.

number of kids who are sexually active in Chicago



64%.

the number of teen mothers who complete high school or get a GED


9 seconds.

the amount of time in America a student becomes a dropout.



52.2%

the graduation rate in Chicago.


14.

the number of times more likely that an african american will be the victim of homicide than any other racial group.


70%.

the number of black males who grow up with out a father in their home.


5.

The number of students injured/killed just in the past weekend.


38.6% .

percent of teen pregnancies in chicago


500.
the number of Chicago Public Schools students that are suspended each school day


20.1%.

the percent of Beidler students (school where most of my kids go) who passed the ISAT test last year.


780,000.

ESTIMATED number of gang members in US.


15.

the age of the killer in the most recent school shooting (shot an 18 year old boy as he was walking out of school a few days ago)


These numbers are REAL, people. This is the reason I get up and go to work everyday. This is the reason I live in this neighborhood. Children are killing children. Youth are dropping out of school. Young boys are joining gangs, young girls are getting pregnant.

This is real stuff...a child shouldn't have to say - "IF i grow up"...Being able to play in a park or walk down the street should not be the goal of a child. These are not goals. Going to college, getting a job – those are the goals our children should have.

Do we really live in a society that thinks...out of sight, out of mind?

Do we really live in a society that values the right to bear arms over the lives of our children?

Do we really live in a society that advocates "protection and prevention" over abstinence?

Do we really live in a society where there are more black 18 year old men in jail than there are graduating high school?

Do we really live in a society that allows the public school system that teaches testing...not knowledge?



WHAT CAN I DO? SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS? THESE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE. IF WE DON'T HELP THEM NOW...WHO WILL? IF WE DON'T TEACH, MENTOR, TUTOR, COACH, LOVE...OUR CHILDREN...WHO WILL? NO ONE. THATS WHO.

CHANGE THE WORLD...ONE CHILD AT A TIME.

GOD BLESS

ZipSkinny-Info about our Zip Codes

72802 (Russellville, AR)
median income is 38,738
the unemployment rate is 2.4%
66.1% are married
82.5% have a high school diploma
24.4% have a bachelors or higher
the white population is 94.3%
the black population is 1.7%


60624 (Chicago-East Garfield Park,my neighborhood)
median income is 22,426
the unemployment rate is 11.6%
25.1% are married
59.2% have a high school diploma
6% have a bachelors or higher
the white population is 0.7%
the black population is 97.6%

21014 (Bel Air)
median income is 82,528
the unemployment rate is 1.7%
55.4% are married
97.4% have a high school diploma
63.4% have a bachelors or higher
the white population is 90.6%
the black population is 0.5%

38105 (one of the worst areas in Memphis)
median income is 10,974
the unemployment rate is 9.2%
20.1% are married
56.1% have a high school diploma
12.1% have a bachelors or higher
11.9% white
83.4% black


60644 (Chicago-Austin, where my friend Laura lives/works)
median income is 26,930
the unemployment rate is 10.4%
25.3% are married
60.7% have a high school diploma
7% have a bachelors or higher
2% white
94.8% black

68111 (Omaha, where my friend Misty works)
median income is 23,470
the unemployment rate is 7.5%
30.1% are married
71.6% have a high school diploma
7.4% have a bachelors or higher
21.2% are white
70.6% are black

75210 (Dallas, TX)
median income is 15,038
the unemployment rate is 10.1%
35.4% are married
42% have a high school diploma
3.1% have a bachelors or higher
.9% are white
80.9% are black

75230 (Dallas, TX)
median income is 51,702
the unemployment rate is 2.1%
52.2% are married
93.1% have a high school diploma
55.7% have a bachelors or higher
78.6% white
5.9% black


As you can see, unfortuantely, East Garfield has the highest unemployment rate. Also, when looking at how our neighborhood compares with our neighboring zipcodes, we have the highest poverty rate and lowest median income than any other surrounding neighborhood in Chicago. There is also this cool thing where you can pick up to 20 different zipcodes around the US and compare them to your zipcode. So, I picked anywhere from Bradenton FL to Atlanta to Omaha to Bartelsville, OK and everywhere in between. Alas, our neighborhood still had the highest poverty rate.

It may also be interesting to note that East Garfield Park has the highest concentration of African Americans than any other zipcode I compared.

Okay...I think thats enough. Now, as you look through these...what do you see as a common thread between the higher income/lower unemployment rate vs. lower income/higher unemployment rate? Seriously...what similarity do u see?


(these demographics were found at zipskinny.com)

Another Day...Another Moment

This is an excerpt from our executive director at Breakthrough, Arloa Stutter's, blog:

"Saturday night I went to bed at about 10:30. I awoke at 1:30 AM to lots of voices shouting and screaming using the most explicit words imaginable.
Charlie (my dog) and I sleep in a bedroom in the back of the apartment. We hear lots of yelling, sirens, cars screeching and trains going by. Both Charlie and I have grown accustomed to it so that even with this extreme shouting that sounded almost like a riot, neither of us got up. Charlie didn't even bark. But when I heard about five gun shots, I decided to go to the living room window at the front of the apartment and see if I needed to do anything. There were about fifty young people embroiled in a huge fight in front of my apartment. Several of the young men were wielding baseball bats and two by fours and they were beating each other up. Evidently someone had shot a gun into the air and some of them were beginning to scatter.I wandered what it must be like to be the mother or grandmother of one of those kids, knowing they are out there and not knowing how to stop them from being there. Anything could happen.A 21-year old boy from the neighborhood recently was released from prison and has been hanging out at our offices. Today Bill and I were trying to find out what dreams he has for his life. He couldn't think of anything. I finally asked him when in the last week he had felt the most positive about himself and hopeful for the future. He said it is when he is with us at the Breakthrough Joshua Center. You can almost sense the fear in him that if he goes back out there it is only a matter of time, statistics indicate less than 90 days, and he will be back in prison. I told him that he should keep coming by and helping out around the center. It's a safe place for him, a place where he is beginning to feel hopeful. Please pray for him and for the young people who were out there Saturday night. I really believe many, if not most, of them would not be hanging out on the street if there were alternatives for them. They just need safe places where they can begin to dream for their future and experience positive life change."

I drive down the streets in the East Garfield Park neighborhood daily. I see things daily that sadden me to almost the point of tears. Yesterday I was saddened by the fact that cops had to be called after a "domestic violence situation" (shots were fired) in a house across the street from the center. I know for a fact at least 4 kids that are involved in one way or another with breakthrough live there. The thing is, it's so common now for things like this to happen, everyone around was like, oh its just so and so again. The thing is, do we have to be so "used to it?" So used to that it doesn't move us to do something? Is there the danger that working here for awhile will harden my heart to the point that shots being fired or any kind of violence is just a typical day? I hope not. I hear stories everyday about my kids and the lives they live. Some break my heart, others are stories of small hope...most though are stories of hopelessness and the idea that if they make it "it'll be a miracle." Oh I how I hope for a thousand miracles. That's what gets me through the day here. It's tough...tougher than sometimes I let on. But, knowing that I may be the only Jesus these kids see everyday...that's enough to tell me that I am where I am supposed to be. And someday, I can look at a woman or man and say...you are a miracle...and I'm blessed because I was a part of that!

Winter!

It is officially December. And, starting today, we are in a "winter storm warning." I'm thinking their winter storms are a little different than our winter storms! ;) These last few days it has been in the teens in the mornings and going up to the 30s in the afternoons. I was told I need a new warmer jacket and warmer shoes (something about my converse are not going to cut it!); my thought is, this city is turning out to be more expensive than I thought.

An update on the housing situation. In 2 1/2 weeks, the day before I go home for Christmas, I am moving into a new condo. I will be living with 2 girls, one of which I've met and the other of which I don't even know her name. It's a nice place and I'll have my own bedroom (YAY), so i'm excited about it! I do wish, though, that I knew the girls better before I moved in...if only I could afford my own place!

My boss's husband (I guess hes my boss as well) was stopped the other night after dropping off a friend from work. He was in another neighborhood similar to ours (i.e. a impovrished area) and after dropping him off was almost immediately stopped by the police. The policeman proceded to pull him out of his car and put a gun to his head. He (the officer) was cussing him out and asking him if he was high and buying drugs. Mind you, my boss had nothing wrong, and was completely confused by it all. The officer held a gun to his head and just kept asking him where his drugs were and stuff. Finally, after a few minutes of my boss trying to explain to him he lived in the area and was dropping off a co-worker, the officer finally let him go.Interesting, isn't it? I feel as though the police in general think either we are in the neighborhood to buy/sale drugs or we must be really stupid. I and my boss's family are neither. Other co-workers and friends that live in this neighborhood are neither as well. People just do not understand why we would chose to live a life of simplicity and choose to live in this area if we don't have to. I read this amazing book a year or so ago called Sub-Merge: living deep in a shallow world. And, I feel as though that is what we at breakthrough are doing. There are a few passages in it that I found are remarkably poignant to what i'm talking about:

"Poverty we know about. Its poor people we do not know; but it’s knowing poor people that enable substantive chance and authentic empowerment to take place. " How many of us really do know the poor? Living in this community hasn't just allowed me to meet and communicate with them but has also allowed me to understand the trials they are going through and show them more than just sympathy but more importantly empathy. If I drove in from the 'burbs everyday, do you really think that I could have an effective ministry? Maybe, but not near as effective as living right down the street from them. You should see my kids' faces when I first told them where I lived, I got the "you live down the street from me jo" or "imma come to your house now cuz we livin so close"...it's awesome to see them running around outside when I drive down the street, honking my horn at them and them wavin and smilin real big.

"In order to live the gospel among the poor, we must expect to go outside the gate and break away from the system. And we should expect to discover Christ there and follow his lead, especially when we are acting against injustice. Most people applaud and admire works of mercy. When it comes to speaking against systemic injustice in a way that might entail changing life-styles or sharing power and influence, however, there comes an awkward silence. Those who choose to live and work among the poor should expect to serve Christ as a remnant. You can hope for more to join in, certainly. Celebrate those who come. But do not wait for a critical mass from the mainstream to act. Be content to work far from the limelight. And don’t expect the mainstream to validate or embrace your efforts among the poor with your same intensity or passion." This is another passage in the book that seems so real to me. Sure, sure everyone loves it when you help the poor but when you go one step further and decide to live among them, its a different story. All of a sudden its not about the poor to them any more but about you and your safety and your provisions and stuff. And all of a sudden, if you aren't careful, you begin to second guess yourself and think about your needs and wants. Christ says, whoever wants to follow me must die to himself, take the cross and follow me. Dying to myself means not looking at how different I must live or how different the culture may be or how safety issues might be in question...but to put others before me and see that Christ has called me to work and minister among the poor. Yeah, maybe it is crazy to the police or to the mainstream that I choose to live here. But, "If I was still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10

Above: Quite possibly the funniest kid I have ever met in my life

Another week has come and gone in the program. It's been a tough week. I definitely at one point really just wanted to go to the bathroom and either scream or cry! LOL I love my kids so very much and I guess thats why it really affects me when they act the way they do at times. It's frustrating because I look at them and I think, WOW, the potential that they have. Most of our kids are so creative, intelligent, and just imaginative, I can just imagine the possiblities if they just kept their heads on straight and realized their potential.

Anyways, I am dogsitting this week (got up at 5 am to take her out this morning) so i've got to go back and check on her. Have a great weekend! God bless!!!!

"I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only more love." Mother Teresa

Education

So, I hope that most agree with me when I say that the Chicago Public School Systems as well as pretty much all Public Schools systems have "much to be desired." Most are failing enormously to give our underprivileged kids the help and education that they desperately need. One man, (whom I particularly love!), has written several books on social injustice as well as the need for better school systems in the inner-cities of America. His name is Jonathon Kozol. I've read a couple of his books, one called Shame of the Nation, which was very good. He recently did an interview in which I really agree with him that we need a systemic change in our education system.

One thing in particular Kozol says in the interview is that No Child Left Behind has driven away "superbly educated, high-spirited teachers" who leave, not because of the kids, but because of the "absolute decapitation of potential in children that is the unintended consequence of an agenda that strips down the curriculum in order to teach only isolated skills that will appear on an exam."About charter schools he says, "Despite their claims that their schools are not selective in the students they enroll, the kids whose parents even hear about these schools and whose parents know how to navigate the application process are inherently self-selective."I know of parents in Chicago who start when their kids are two and three to research the system and to position their children to be accepted into the best schools. The children of uneducated parents or those who have recently immigrated to this country are left behind in increasingly disfuntional schools.Kozol's suggestions...
-Give standardized exams less often and rely instead on diagnostic tests.
-Require that states certify that class size in an urban district is at the same level as the size in an affluent suburban district and that every child receive the same years of preschool education before a standardized exam is used.
-Amend the transfer provision to require that states facilitate the right to transfer across district lines to enable the parents of inner-city children who are in chronically failing schools to place ther children in high-performing and better-funded public schools.
-Get rid of the property tax almost entirely as the basis of school funding or pool the property taxes into a common pool and distribute those funds equitably to every single child in the state. Kozol doesn't lose heart about education because "there are far more marvelous teachers in these urban schools than you would ever guess if you listen to the politicians who condemn them... The high morale of our teachers is our most precious asset. If they lose their delight in being with the children, they won't stay, and we'll lose everything."

Weird thing? When I decided that I didn't want to do Teach For America they asked me to explain to them why I had opted out of the process. I told them, "I feel as though we have put way too much emphasis on testing and it leaves our kids only learning the stuff needed to get the schools to look better and improve their standards. And, I want to be a part of a system that lets us develop relationships with the kids as well as help them excel in education." I am so glad that I didn't decide to do TFA, I'm pretty sure Breakthrough is EXACTLY where God wants me right now.

WHY?

Soo...this is not the first time nor the last time I will ask WHY? Why God, oh WHY? So, today was amazing. We had a group from a church up north come up and bring about 25 volunteers in to help build these carpet ball tables. And, some of our 6-8th graders came to help out. It was soooo fun. From 10 am till 3:00 we just had fun. One of the ladies from the other church made the comment to Bill, "You know, I thought it would be our kids working really hard and your kids sitting around or goofing off; and it ended up being the exact opposite. Your kids worked really hard." It was really awesome to see that others seen how AMAZING our kids really are. I mean, I had so much fun just working side-by-side with them. But, yeah, the reason I ask why is because you know, I look at these beautiful children. And, I see the personalities and the creativity and the wonderfulness of them and know that soon, their lives will take it out of them. Their lives will continue to progress just like now, but the hardness and reality of the poverty they live in and the destitution they live in will come up and bite them in the butt. Today, I witness something that brought me to tears. One of our kids, who is such a JOYFUL person. Which is surprising to say because most of our kids are anything but joyful. Just not an emotion you see much with them. Anyways, like always, she was being her silly self just hanging out. We were done with the tables and were playing them (Its actually a really fun game); when her mom buzzes on the door. Now, I must admit, I had never met her mom. And, I was surprised because apparently she has had a stroke and one side of her kinda droops. She is a small woman but intimadated me from the moment she walked in. She immediately started in on the girl. Yelling at her because she didn't call home, which she had but her little sister didn't tell her mom. So then she proceeded to yell at her little sister for a minute. Then just like that, she asked if I would bring her home and then she walked out and left. I looked at this beautiful girl. I have never noticed before this moment how poor she was. More importantly though, I had never noticed in that moment how STRONG she was. You could tell it affected her but after a moment or two...she was okay. After I dropped her off, I just cried because, WHY? Why does she have to live in that? Why does any of my kids have to live in that enviornment. And i'm not just talking about the poverty but i'm talking about the other kind of poverty-the poverty of no love. The poverty of no care and kindness. It broke my heart today. And, everytime I see these parents or see their homes or see the incredible pain these kids go through, it makes me want to love on them even more. I don't want to feel sorry for them, because thats not what they need, because feeling sorry for them doesn't really help but I do want to love them. Love them because I know God's heart is for the poor. He mentions the poor over 2,000 times in the bible. Must be a pretty important topic, then, huh? I want to push them and teach them about who they are in Christ. That it doesn't matter even what your own FAMILY SAYS....because, Christ's opinion of them is the only one that matters. But, I still think, after the fact, about the kids that came today from that other church. Most, if not all, of them will go back to their comfy homes, probably tell their parents all about the "crazy black kids" they met today and ya know, that'll be it. Why do they get to go home to parents? Why do they get to go home to warm, cozy homes? Why do they get to go home and eat dinner and relax? Why do they get to not fear that when they walk down the street this afternoon that they won't get shot? Why? Why do my kids just because they were born in this enviornment or into these families have to deal with all the pain and sorrow and evil? Why, WHY? I praise God for Breakthrough. And that they at least have a safe enviornment to come and laugh and run around, even if it is just for a few hours a day. I praise God that they have Breakthrough Staff that TRULY care about them, care about 'em enough not to feel sorry for them but to PUSH them and BELIEVE in them. That to me, makes these kids in some ways, as rich as the kids in the 'burbs. And that I praise God for! PS here's a video of one of my girls doing the "robot" sorry it's not very clear!

Creativity isn't flowing...

This week has been relatively uneventful at work because of tutor training. The kids left after homework time Tues, Wed, and Thurs but I still managed to log 9 hours all three days because of "tutor training." To tell you the truth, though, I enjoyed it to an extent because it gave me more time to get to know the "mayors" (who are the 9-12th graders who help out the younger kids in the program) and so that was cool.
Personally, though, this week has kinda been a roller coaster of emotions. It's amazing how the things that used to seem so important to me seem so trivial now. Another crazy thing is this: I got up like every normal day, put on some coffee and sat down to briefly watch the news...and I came to the realization that I am an adult. It kinda snuck up on me...not that it happened over night but that I didn't even notice that I was "grown up" now.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is the racism and discrimination that stares me in the face everyday. Things I've always heard about but really never knew existed. *I am deleted this part because it seemed to irritate and bother some people...i guess a lot of people don't want to know what the world is really like.*

If these kids didn't have enough things pulling them down, lets just add on the fact that no one actually believes in them. You can see that by the buisnesses around our community and the interest the city actually takes in up-keeping our neighborhoods. These kids have so many factors that say they won't make it...a lot more factors than us pushing them and telling them they can and will. Somedays I look at this heavy burden and think it's impossible. Holistically speaking, these kids need so much yet what can we really give them? They need Jesus first and foremost but they also need so much more. The number one thing that brings people out of poverty is not money...I know most think that, or they wouldn't just dump some money into the "charity bank" and go on with their merry lives never thinking about the poor again...but no, the most important thing that brings people out of poverty is relationships. Yes, relationships. Role models, people who are stable in their lives and who BELIEVE in them and push them beyond what they thought was possible. Everyday, I do this. Everyday, I go home and wonder, am I making a difference? Most days it doesn't feel like it. Then I think about the fact that God has called me to love, and that is it. To love these kids...there is so much involved in loving these kids yet, he doesn't call me to change them...He does that. Love does that. I can't change one kid here. I can't do it...no matter the time you spend with them or amount of money or whatever it is you give them...you can't change one kid's life...only Jesus Christ our lord and Savior can. And He will...I may never see the fruit of my labor, but I've got to believe that He is and will do some amazing things in these kids lives. That is the only thing that keeps me sane at the end of the day.

Another Week

Well...another week is almost over. I can't believe I've only been here for 3 weeks. I feel like i've been here for months. I have learned so so much already! Not only from Breakthrough but just from living in Chicago.

One thing I love about my neighborhood is no matter what, it's never quiet. I know some people might not like that but I do. I wake up every morning to rap/r&b music coming from a neighboor's apartment or across the street...and I go to bed with either kids laughing and playing outside or some mom yelling at her kid. There is always t.v. to listen to or music to dance to! :) Another thing I love about this neighborhood is the people. Yes, the people. They are really friendly. I walk to work everyday and there is always someone on their steps or in their yard and they almost always say hi or talk about the weather or something. Now, of course, I could talk about the things I don't like about the neighborhood too but i'll keep that to myself :) haha...I would rather talk about the positive things.

Work is going great. Unfortuantely tomorrow is Friday which means my class again. I'm not going to lie...I really don't know what to do with them! haha...Hopefully i'll have this great wonderful epipheny (sp?) and everything will go great tomorrow.

Yesterday was interesting. We had 6th-8th graders in the computer lab working on "blogging" like I do. They even use blogger.com like me. Anyways, their assignment was "using correct grammer/sentence structure" write about your favorite sport or t.v. show. basically they had to write one or two paragraphs about it. They had an hour....guess what? Half of them didn't even finish one paragraph. I was sitting with one girl who literally spent the entire time staring at the computer and wrote 3 sentences. In one hour. Another girl...she had 2 sentences I told her if she wrote 2 more than she could be finished, 30 minutes later...she had written 1 more...I was like...why aren't you writing? "I don't feel like it." I was like, come on, it's not like we are asking you to write on Shakesphere's plays or something...ugh! I just didn't understand it at all. But that is the attitudes these kids have. Education is just not high on their priority lists. I have kids in 6th grade who can barely read. Oh, and we had a reading test on the computers for around 35 kids (1st-5th) to see where they were "grade level" wise. We had 3 kids who got above a 50%. 3 wow...3! It's crazy. Breakthrough, though, is doing an amazing job though and I know that a lot of them are doing even better than they did last year. I just pray we can continue to help them because honestly, reading is the most important skill they can learn.

Alright...that's it for today. continue to pray for me. Pray I continue to love these kids through God's eyes not my own because some days it's not that easy :)