What I've learned since Moving to Chicago

So, since it has been almost 18 months since I moved to Chicago, I decided to write a post about what I've learned since moving to Chicago....It's a lot, so don't be surprised if this is part one of a mini-series :)

1. Snow is probably the worst thing on earth. I hate it.

2. Poverty is neither a black nor a white thing.

3. Saying hi to strangers is not weird, actually its expected!

4. 13 hours away from my family is too far!

5. God is PROVIDER

6. I've learned what direction east, north, west, and south really is! :) I can get around in a big city, now that is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do!

7. Christ can be found in the angry, crying, fist-balled, snot-nosed child more readily at times than the angelic, smiling child

8. I can get by on very little income and think the greatest blessings are in the smallest acts of kindness

9. It is in the trials that I find myself closest to God

10. I know now that I want to settle down somewhere WARM!

11. Ministry is the hardest job in the world yet the most fulfilling

12. The true meaning of sabbath

13. Living in community is really hard

14. Racism is still very real today

15. I will never forgive myself for not being there when my dog died

16. My brother is still the coolest guy I know, even when he is a big dork!

17.You can learn so much from a child: innocence, joy, forgiveness...true examples of how we must enter the kingdom of Christ

18. Chips should be added as their own separate food group. Hot flammins should be the number one chip in America by now.

19. Coaching basketball is my favorite thing on earth to do.

20. I can get around without a car if needed! Public transportation is a GREAT thing

21. When you commit to full-time ministry, the Devil hates it and tries everything he can to destroy you and your passion.

22. Nieces really are one of the most wonderful gifts of all!

23. There are a few things that you must have to survive a chicago winter some of these include, a shovel, a pair of waterproof, warm boots, big fluffy warm gloves (none of those mittens u wear in Arkansas will do), and salt. Lots and lots of salt. :)

24. I am more addicted to coffee than I ever realized before!

25. I've learned how to stop a fight without getting hit myself...lol

26. Diversity is wonderful and should be celebrated at all costs

27. I am desperately in need of Christ's strength at all times, I am so weak without him!

28. Laughter is vital to a person's health! I need laughter!!!!

29. I know what it's like now to walk into a place and be the minority & how daunting it can be.

30. I will never regret coming here, living in this community, learning and growing with Christ, but I really doubt that Chicago is the place I will settle down in! Yet, I have learned that God will call us to where we are needed most, not where we necessarily dream to be. And, I hope I always put his will over mine, for where his will is, I want mine to be there too!


God bless you all!

Growth

I constantly feel like God is challenging me in many different areas. I also feel like He never likes me to get too comfortable. For example, although I figured that I would be doing the exact same thing as last year (as far as work), He decided to move me to a new group, the 6th graders...a very difficult and challenging group. I love them, don't get me wrong, but I was definitely not excited about the change. Yet, I know God is challenging me in areas I need to grow in, hence the movement to a more difficult group of kids.

As this new year has begun, one of the things AmeriCorps requires of all it's members is to do an IDP at the beginning of the new year. IDP stands for Individual Development Plan. Basically, they want to know what skills you desire to achieve and the goals you want to meet during the our year of service. They also ask what steps you will take to achieve these goals. This is very good for me on a personal and professional level, unfortunately though, AmeriCorps is not a faith-based organization, therefore I can't state any spiritual goals/areas I want to "accomplish" or grow in.

Therefore, since I am not able to actually state these in my IDP for AmeriCorps, I decide to share with the whole world (or the 4 or 5 people who actually read this blog) what my spiritual goals and areas I want to grow in are.

One of the areas I most want to grow in is in the area of complete and total dependence on God. Sometimes, I try so hard to do the "small things" on my own...and then I wonder why I failed so miserably. Over the past year, I have been separated from my family and friends and at times I have felt very much alone...yet through these moments, God has and is continually showing me that he is very much there with me and that I can totally rely on Him.

Another area God is wanting me to grow in is in the area of servanthood. I look back at the life of Jesus and how it was completely devoted to serving others. He says, my kingdom is an upside-down kingdom; the first shall be last and the last shall be first. No master is greater than his servant. I am daily seeking ways in which I may serve my co-workers and my kids. At times, it is very hard for me because this means I must be humble enough to do things that I most likely wouldn't want to do normally. Isn't this the whole, dying to myself daily thing, though? This also reminds me that so often we as humans, we really enjoy being recognized when we do something good...yet Paul writes that if he must boast, let him only boast in the cross of Christ Jesus, our Lord.

God has also been challenging me to respond in a way that is glorifying to him, no matter the situation. So often, I respond in anger, in sarcasm (a favorite of mine) or I respond in anxiousness. But, Paul, in chapter 4 of Philippians says 2 things. He says, "let your gentleness be evident to all." In this passage, he was talking about when we are worried, anxious, upset, or nervous about something...we should respond gently. If anyone knows me, they know if I am put in a nerve racking situation or I become upset about something, the LAST thing I do is respond in a gentle or kindly manner. Yet, God says, no matter what, don't be anxious but give it to me, and through me, your gentleness will be recognized by all. The other thing he says is that "whatever is pure, whatever is noble, what ever is true, whatever is lovely, etc...think on these things." So often, I do not glorify him by my thoughts and words. I complain or gripe, I gossip, I become upset with my kids...and these things aren't pure or true. These things aren't lovely in God's sight and they do not in anyway glorify him. And God is giving me a multitude of chances everyday, through working with a very challenging group of 6th graders daily, to grow and respond in ways that glorify him, no matter how they are acting or what the situation.

I can go on and on about the many areas I'm being stretched in. I could go on and on about the many areas where I fall short, but I know Jesus loves me beyond my faults and failures. Yet, I will stop at 3 for now. I hope that all of you will hold me accountable in these areas. And I hope that you all are seeking ways in which God wants you to grow as well!

Oh, and here is a picture of some of my girls...6th grade and up! These beautiful girls are entering a time when they are beginning to get hit by a lot of pressures and they need prayer now more than ever! I know some say "i don't know them, why should i pray for them?" Well, if you know me, then I ask because you know me, pray for them because I love them so very much and each of them are very near and dear to my heart.

God bless you all!

Questions

Do you ever just take a step back and look at your life?

Do you ever think...who is most important in your life?

What is most important in your life?

What am I holding on to that I just need to let go of?

What feeds my soul?


These are the questions that are resonating with me tonight...these are questions that I am asking myself to see where my priorities are....


"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes-I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!" Job 19:25-27


God bless you all.

LIFE

Life is funny...life is interesting...life is real.

Since moving to Chicago and working full-time in urban ministry...I have discovered more about who I am and who God wants me tobe. And, there is a big gap between the two. Full-time ministry has a way of showing you your deficiencies and where you really need to grow as a child of God.

Everyday, I am shown and taught things...I am learning from everyone, whether it be the 8th grade girl who hates me, the 3rd grade boy who shows me what true joy looks like, the homeless woman who still sees life as a blessing, the 7th grade boy who doesn't even know what true friendship looks like, or our executive director and founder of Breakthrough who has every reason to be a bigot, yet still chooses to be the most humble-hearted person i've ever met...these are the people I work with, live with, and learn through every single day.

Life is a joy. Life is a roller-coaster.

I have a choice...to see my failures, my weaknesses, my deficiences and think...I am stupid, I am not worthy, and why am I even here? Or I can choose to learn from them, grow from them, and become the woman God wants me to be. It is a choice...a hard one, actually. For the path that should be chosen is full of stretching, tiredness, pain, and hard decisions...yet, it is a better path in the long run.

Life...

God's Blessed

Well, this past month has been a very rough month for me. This past week, I got the flu. And, it's still lingering with me. Right now, my throat is about twice the size it should be because of swollen glands...not fun, not fun at all. But, despite everything, I still keep pluggin along...barely, but i'm hanging on.

Work. Thats pretty much all I do. And, I can't complain because I love it. It keeps me sane...and makes me insane, all at the same time. As I reflect on this past week, I am amazed at the little things that God brings to my life that reminds me of the simplicity, love, and unselfishness of people in poverty. A few weeks ago, we were asked, are the poor really God's blessed? Are they his favored? In Matthew and Luke...Jesus says, blessed are the poor in spirit and blessed are the poor. He also says, "whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me. Are the poor really more blessed than the rich? For it is said that it is extremely hard for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. In Revelation, it says a rich man thinks he has need of nothing...therefore he doesn't need God. So, again, are the poor God's blessed? What can I, as a woman of God...and someone who as little as I make, is still not considered, POOR, by most's standards, what can I take or learn from the poor? I have asked myself this over the past two weeks....I have watched my kids and see things that astound me...surprise me...and totally humble me.

Let me start with an obvious one. My kids live very simplistically. They are satisfied with whatever they are given. Honestly...they are. Here is an example of something that just really warmed my heart a few days ago. I was sitting in my usual spot at the beginning of the day...in a chair in the Computer Lab. Kevon, a 3rd grade boy, came in grinning as always and said hi to me. We talked for a minute or so then he said, DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I BROUGHT FOR SHOW AND TELL TODAY???? He seemed so genuinely excited...I said yes, and acted like I really wanted to see what it was. He came back in a few minutes later....with 4 beat up matchbox cars. He was like, aren't they so cool? I, of course, acted like it was the coolest thing ever, and well, it was a great moment. As I sat there, I thought, he really really thinks I want to know and want to see this stuff. And, I did. Because it mattered to him, so it mattered to me. And the matchbox cars weren't really that cool...they looked pretty old, but they were special to him...and he was going to show them off...simplicity...so awesome.

Another thing that amazes me about these kids is how unselfish they are. They really are. I see it everyday. See, the kids go to the corner store before coming to the center everyday. And, they buy 2 or 3 bags of chips (the little bags most of the time), usually a pop, and sometimes some candy. And they come in...and they share. And they also get candy once a week for city of the week and they get candy for bringing stuff back a lot and stuff. Yesterday, Zyliek had brought a paper back signed, so he got himself some M&Ms. First thing he does? He asks me if I want some. I said, no thanks. And I sat there and watched him. A few minutes later Devin walks in. He says...I want some! Without even BLINKING, Zyliek pours some into his cupped hands. I smiled...and I thought about a few weeks ago. When Naima was given Reces peanut butter cups for making honor roll. She grabbed them, walked over to her brother...without being asked...and handed him one of the two cups and then went and sat down. Seth walked over to her and said, Naima, you don't have to give your brother any of that...you earned it fair and square. She looked up at Seth with this look of amazement and said, "but their his favorites." Then looked back down and started eating hers. Unselfishness....what a thing we can all learn from. I know I can.

Finally, another thing I'm learning from these kids is love. Yes, one thing they are really bad at is they like to make fun of each other...and we try so hard to teach them about being nice to each other and saying kind words. But, at the same time they are so loving to each other and us. Again, I have been sick and I missed work on Monday. I came in on Tuesday, not feeling too well but I knew I didn't want to miss another day. I promise you, almost every single kid in the center asked me how I was feeling. The ones i'm closest to came in, SHASTA!!! Ran over and tried to give me a hug (which I shyed away from since I was still pretty sick)...and immediately asked me how I was. And it was an honest question. How are you? Are you still sick? Why don't you go home? These kids, they cared. They, in their own ways, were loving me. I felt liked they cared more than my co-workers! Lol And everyday, they have asked me how I was feeling. Not only do they love that way, but I see it in the way they treat their brothers and sisters. Yeah, sometimes they argue with them...but they genuinely care for them and take care of them. Most are pretty much raising their younger siblings, so you just see this motherly instinct with them. And the boys...I see Devin wait everyday for his younger sister before he comes to the center...I see Boozie walk in and immediately go give his younger bro a hug cuz he hasn't seen him all day. I see the love they have for their family members. And, it humbles me. It shows me the love we are supposed to have for each other...an "agape" love. Something that isn't conditional...but something that no matter what...you love them.

There are a million other things that make me realize that in some ways...we can learn so much from the poor. So much for youth...and so much from poor youth. Lol I realize that I learn more from them than I could ever teach them.

Finally, I am so grateful for the opprotunity to be a part of this ministry. Even if it will only be a year. Everyday, I am greeted by the sounds of laughter, the faces of smiling children, and the best hugs you can ever imagine. And, all the tears, all the tiredness, all the pain, and all the sickness I go through here...it's all worth it the moment Elvalenna walks in...walks over to me, gives me a hug and hands me a picture that says "i love you" written in glitter and says..."here I made this for you." It's all worth it...It's all worth it.